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Some people think that the best way to be successful in life is to get a university education. Others disagree and say that nowadays this is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the best way to be successful in life is to get a university education. Others disagree and say that nowadays this is no longer true. WGWgN
It is true that the question of whether to apply for a university or not to apply for it remains a source of controversy in the social life field. While a number of people believe that university is not a great way to be successful, I would argue that studying at a university is a way to secure the future. On the one hand, the option of not gaining admission to a university is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, people who already have a start-up plan can start their own business. For instance, there are several billionaires such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs who drop out and they create many large corporations. Apart from the practical benefits expressed above, I believe that academic education is a better choice for those who want to be successful. Firstly, people have a chance to improve their knowledge. University gathers well-known professors that have professional experience and help students to deal with their problems. Secondly, people can develop their abilities such as communication skills, social skills. As the university has various kinds of clubs, students may gain skills from those clubs and also build relationships which is crucial for students. In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to take part in university education than make money after high school.
It is true that
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
to apply for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or not to apply for it remains a source of controversy in the social life field. While a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is not a great way to be successful, I would argue that studying at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is a way to secure the future.

On the one hand, the option of not gaining admission to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is attractive for several reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who already have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up plan can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
For instance
, there are several billionaires such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs who drop
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
out and
they create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large corporations.

Apart from the practical benefits expressed above, I believe that academic education is a better choice for those who want to be successful.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
gathers well-known professors that have professional experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to deal with their problems.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can develop their abilities such as communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has various kinds of clubs, students may gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from those clubs and
also
build relationships which is crucial for students.

In conclusion
, although both views
certainly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
validity, it seems to me that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money after high school.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to be successful in life is to get a university education. Others disagree and say that nowadays this is no longer true.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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