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some people think that the best to enjoy leisure time is to do nothing

some people think that the best to enjoy leisure time is to do nothing BLlD5
These days, there are a lot of leisure time activities, such as playing football, chess and watching films or walking which help us to improve ourselves in different ways. In my point of view, I disagree with some people who think not doing anything in spare time is better than having activities. First of all, free time activities can improve our mental health and reduce stress level. For example, taking a walk in nature will help to gain a new mindset after a stressful work. Also, doing activities with friends, like playing football, basketball, chess and video games that prevents us from depression which causes stress. Another reason is that leisure time activities can develop us in different ways, such as you can be successful in your education of job life. For example, we can learn new things while reading book, doing activities with friends or family improves our relationship and self esteem which helps us to make new friends. Meaning this, spending our free time with doing something is better than not doing anything as having special or simple activities, even walking in the street or watching TV improves our lifestyles. In conclusion, reducing stress and developing ourselves developing are the main reasons that I think spending our spare time effectively provides us better lifestyle.
These days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as playing football, chess and watching films or walking which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
ourselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. In my point of view, I disagree with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
anything in spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is better than having activities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our mental health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level.
For example
, taking a walk in nature will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to gain a new mindset after a stressful work.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with friends, like playing football, basketball, chess and video games that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
us from depression which causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Another reason is that leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can develop us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways, such as you can be successful in your education of job life.
For example
, we can learn new things while reading book,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with friends or family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improves
our relationship and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends. Meaning this, spending our free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
something is better than not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
anything as having special or simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, even walking in the street or watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improves
our lifestyles.

In conclusion
, reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and developing ourselves developing are the main reasons that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
spending our spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
effectively
provides us better lifestyle.
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IELTS essay some people think that the best to enjoy leisure time is to do nothing

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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