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Some people think that teenagers should enroll in some part-time jobs, but other people think that they should not do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that teenagers should enroll in some part-time jobs, but other people think that they should not do that. K0A56
Labor is considered to be one of the most crucial factors that has a great impact on the development of the economy. In various nations, a number of people think that youngsters who participate in many kinds of paid work is a helpful activity because of work experience. However, others believe that this is totally unacceptable. This essay will discuss both views and give an opinion. To begin with, the option to start working at a young age is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, children are able to gain a large amount of experience when working, since they have to react to a lot of different situations and communicate with the public. As a result, this knowledge is extremely practical and vital for studying and it may be beneficial for their future careers. Secondly, if these young adults are involved in jobs with profit, they will likely to be more responsible and have the possibility to help their family with financial burdens. For example, adolescents who work part-time in a convenience store have the ability to pay partcially for their studying fees and have more money to spend on some individual needs. On the other hand, there are justifiable reasons to believe that teenagers should not work. Children are in need of full development in both their mental and physical health, and time should be spent to study and widen knowledge. Working at this age is possible to cause distractions which have a significant effect on the learning results at school. For instance, youngsters who work during studying tend to have lower grades compared to those who focus completely on learning. Furthermore, in some developing regions, adolescents are being forced to work more than eight hours per day; nevertheless, their salary is incredibly low. A huge quantity of companies are willing to find an affordable source of labor in order to receive more profit. Consequently, children are turned into workers in factories and have to perform under poor conditions, which are detrimental for their health. In conclusion, although it might be advantageous for young people to partake in paid jobs, it should also be concerned that this work can have a negative outcome. In my perspective, it is superb to concentrate on the school program, yet adolescents who are in the group age of 15 to 17 years old are recommended to engage in some part-time work with the aim of receiving more social skills and being more energetic.
Labor
is considered
to be one of the most crucial factors that has a great impact on the development of the economy. In various nations, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a helpful activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
However
, others believe that this is
totally
unacceptable. This essay will discuss both views and give an opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working at a young age is attractive for several reasons.
Firstly
, children are able to gain a large amount of experience when working, since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
react to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations and communicate with the public.
As a result
, this knowledge is
extremely
practical and vital for studying and it may be beneficial for their future careers.
Secondly
, if these young adults
are involved
in jobs with profit, they will likely to be more responsible and have the possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their family with financial burdens.
For example
, adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-time in a convenience store have the ability to pay
Possible spelling mistake found.
partcially
for their studying fees and have more money to spend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individual needs.

On the other hand
, there are justifiable reasons to believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Children are in need of full development in both their mental and physical health, and time should
be spent
to study and widen knowledge. Working at this age is possible to cause distractions which have a significant effect on the learning results at school.
For instance
, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during studying tend to have lower grades compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
focus completely on learning.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developing regions, adolescents are
being forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than eight hours per day;
nevertheless
, their salary is
incredibly
low. A huge quantity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are willing to find an affordable source of labor in order to receive more profit.
Consequently
, children
are turned
into workers in factories and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform under poor conditions, which are detrimental for their health.

In conclusion
, although it might be advantageous for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to partake in paid jobs, it should
also
be concerned
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcome. In my perspective, it is superb to concentrate on the school program,
yet
adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in the group age of 15 to 17 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are recommended
to engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with the aim of receiving more social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and being more energetic.
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IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers should enroll in some part-time jobs, but other people think that they should not do that.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think that teenagers should enroll in some part-time jobs, but other people think that they should not do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion.