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Some people think that taking one year gap after completing senior secondary is beneficial other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that taking one year gap after completing senior secondary is beneficial other disagree. lWyWW
It is a debatable issue whether taking a long break of a year before getting enrolled in a tertiary education is advantages or not. In this essay, I will discuss both views with appropriate argument previously embarking up on my personal experience. People who consider that this gap is beneficial gives their points as follow. Relaxation is the fruitful outcome by which students can feel stressed free. Owing to the fact that they get bored by continuous study. In order to recharge their batteries they can indulge in lots of activities for recreation. For instance, they can join number of artistic activities, yoga and exercise, health clubs. By doing this kind of extra work they not only recreates themselves but also can gain some useful skills which proved to be very helpful in future. Other distinguishing point is that they can opt for different jobs. Due to recruited in a particular job they can gain experience for their further life. Moreover, they can help their family financially and also save money for their tertiary education. For this reason they can able to choose career oriented courses. Apart from this, other people disagree with the given statement. Firstly, it is too hard to concentrate on studies after such a long break. It will distract them from their aim. Like as if they start a job in that period of time then they give more preference to job as compared to their education because this helps them financially. Secondly, by peer pressure students can waste their precious time by participating in bad companies. Their expenses also increased which result in in imbalance of house budget. Sometime their relation with their family also reflect due to fact of opting a wrong path. In conclusion, after considering both views, I personally believe that a break of one year is not beneficial. However, it varies according to their choices, mindset and mental ability.
It is a debatable issue whether taking a long break of a year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting enrolled in a tertiary education is advantages or not. In this essay, I will discuss both views with appropriate argument previously embarking up on my personal experience.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who consider that this gap is beneficial gives their points
Did you mean "as follows"?
as follow
. Relaxation is the fruitful outcome by which students can feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
free. Owing to the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored by continuous study. In order to recharge their batteries they can indulge in lots of activities for recreation.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
number of artistic activities, yoga and exercise, health clubs. By doing this kind of extra work they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recreates themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which proved to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Other distinguishing point is that they can opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Due to recruited in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they can gain experience for their
further
life.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their family
financially
and
also
save money for their tertiary education.
For this reason
they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
choose career oriented courses.

Apart from this, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.
Firstly
, it is too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to concentrate on studies after such a long break. It will distract them from their aim. Like as if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in that period of time then they give more preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as compared to their education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
financially
.
Secondly
, by peer pressure students can waste their precious time by participating in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Their expenses
also
increased which result
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
imbalance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
budget. Sometime their relation with their family
also
reflect due to fact of opting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path.

In conclusion
, after considering both views, I
personally
believe that a break of one year is not beneficial.
However
, it varies according to their choices, mindset and mental ability.
What do you think?
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IELTS essay Some people think that taking one year gap after completing senior secondary is beneficial other disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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