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Topic 5 : Governments around the world are investing heavily in space exploration. Some people say this money should be spent on helping people living in poverty, or with significant health problems. To what extend do you agree ?

Topic 5: Governments around the world are investing heavily in space exploration. Some people say this money should be spent on helping people living in poverty, or with significant health problems. nVadR
There is a widely held belief that governments around the world should concentrate on spending money to explore outer space, while others hold a view that investing in assisting people in needy areas or dealing with health issues is more important. From my perspective, I agree that governments need to support social problems more than research. On the one hand, there are some advantages of spending on space exploration in different aspects of the economy. To begin with, discovering outer space is a necessary way to raise human awareness in terms of planets. For instance, thanks to the enhancement of astronomy, people can understand life on other planets and create some major projects such as satellites or weather forecasts. Besides that, exploring space seems to be the need for the future because of climate change. It is clear that if global warming becomes a serious problem, humans have to move to another planet to start a new life. On the other hand, social issues are the best concern for governments currently instead of long-term plans. First of all, a range of underprivileged people in this society needs to be pay attention to. To exemplify, the sick, the disabled, and the unemployed living in poverty without a source of income so that financial supports are essential to ensure their lives. Moreover, health problems also an aspect that needs to be ameliorated as soon as possible. The covid-19 pandemic is an example, investing in vaccines and medical treatments is fundamental to protect citizens from death. To sum up, spending budget on discovering or supporting social missions brings many benefits. These are people's awareness and maintaining basic life but I believe that governments should tackle with current difficulty on society to create balanced communities.
There is a
widely
held belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
around the world should concentrate on spending money to explore outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, while others hold a view that investing in assisting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in needy areas or dealing with health issues is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to support social problems more than research.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of the economy. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, discovering outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is a necessary way to raise human awareness in terms of planets.
For instance
, thanks to the enhancement of astronomy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can understand life on other planets and create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major projects such as satellites or weather forecasts.
Besides
that, exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
seems to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that if global warming becomes a serious problem, humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another planet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new life.

On the other hand
, social issues are the best concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
currently
instead
of long-term plans.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a range of underprivileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in this society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to be pay attention to. To exemplify, the sick, the disabled, and the unemployed living in poverty without a source of income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that financial supports are essential to ensure their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, health problems
also
an aspect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be ameliorated
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. The
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
pandemic is an example, investing in vaccines and medical treatments is fundamental to protect citizens from death.

To sum up, spending budget on discovering or supporting social missions brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. These are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness and maintaining basic life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should tackle with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
difficulty on society to create balanced communities.
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IELTS essay Topic 5: Governments around the world are investing heavily in space exploration. Some people say this money should be spent on helping people living in poverty, or with significant health problems.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Topic 5 : Governments around the world are investing heavily in space exploration. Some people say this money should be spent on helping people living in poverty, or with significant health problems. To what extend do you agree ?