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Some people think that students should get involved in making decisions on how their school should run. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons with relevant examples.

Some people think that students should get involved in making decisions on how their school should run. Give reasons with relevant examples. peNAa
It is often thought that it should also taken into the consideration what students think and want while determining school rules. I totally agree with this statement that students should also play the role in this process. Firstly, students are the most essential part of the schools and we cannot imagine there without them. Because of it, schools should have a high opinion of their students and show consideration to their approaches. Students’ views should be the most important factor of decision making process as it influences their academic lives directly. Secondly, in my way of thinking an academic environment should be a comfortable place for students. I hold a strong belief that it increases the productivity of education process. They can benefit their skills more effectively if they feel relaxed rather than in tense and undesirable conditions for them. These conditions include their timetable, what kind of subject they would like to learn, dress code, etc. To summarize, I consider students have rights that they can determine how their school they would like to be. Therefore, they also should participate in school’s decision making process.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it should
also
taken into the consideration what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and want while determining
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school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
also
play the role in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the most essential part of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schools and
we cannot imagine there without them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of it,
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schools
should have a high opinion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
consideration to their approaches.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students’
views should be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
as it influences their academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
directly
.
Secondly
, in my way of thinking an academic environment should be a comfortable place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I hold a strong belief that it increases the productivity of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
. They can benefit their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
more
effectively
if they feel relaxed
rather
than in tense and undesirable conditions for them. These conditions include their timetable, what kind of subject they would like to learn, dress code, etc.
To summarize
, I consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have rights that they can determine how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they would like to be.
Therefore
, they
also
should participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that students should get involved in making decisions on how their school should run. Give reasons with relevant examples.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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