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Nowadays, the group of learners have an opinion that all children should have a requirement about playing any musical instrument. I strongly disagree with this point of view.

Nowadays, the group of learners have an opinion that all children should have a requirement about playing any musical instrument. I strongly disagree with this point of view. wMdde
Nowadays, the group of learners have an opinion that all children should have a requirement about playing any musical instrument. I strongly disagree with this point of view. First of all, I believe that every child is an individual, since for this reason from young ages child should feel an independence in different situations and questions with multiple choice, for instance, if the child has no wish to play in any musical instrument, it should be a final decision, because in other alternative ways the child in the future has no a personal point of view and also can not understand the amount of the individual opinion, since did not feel it earlier. The most possible consequence of it for this child is a constant sense of unhappiness for the next years of life. Humanity has a lot of examples of unfortunate people. That is why, it is so significant to give a major part of a decision for the main person, who is becoming it alive. Secondly, in the situation when the child is in the process without any initiative it could happen more harmful and crucial effect for all participants of the action, since it is a significant wasting of time, moral and mental resources not only for the child especially also for a special tutor. The potential result of passing this road is the overspending of resources for getting to the ordinary results in some music sphere, because from the whole of the world humanity has numerous of musicians, who are not superstars and have only basic knowledge and skills on playing some instrument. To conclude, I completely disagree with this point of view of teachers, because the child should do activities, which wants to do without any physiological barriers.
Nowadays, the group of learners
Possible agreement error
have
an opinion that all children should have a requirement about playing any musical instrument. I
strongly
disagree with this point of view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is an individual, since
for this reason
from young
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "ages'" or "age's"?
ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should feel an independence in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations and questions with multiple choice,
for instance
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has no wish to play in any musical instrument, it should be a final decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in other alternative ways the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in the future has
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
a personal point of view and
also
can not understand the amount of the individual opinion, since did not feel it earlier. The most possible consequence of it for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is a constant sense of unhappiness for the
next
years of life. Humanity has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
examples of unfortunate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
That is
why, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant to give a major part of a decision for the main person, who is becoming it alive.

Secondly
, in the situation when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is in the process without any initiative it could happen more harmful and crucial effect for all participants of the action, since it is a significant wasting of time, moral and mental resources not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
especially
also
for a special tutor. The potential result of passing this road is the overspending of resources for getting to the ordinary results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
music sphere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
from the whole of the world humanity has numerous of musicians, who are not superstars and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
basic knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instrument.

To conclude
, I completely disagree with this point of view of teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should do activities, which wants to do without any physiological barriers.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, the group of learners have an opinion that all children should have a requirement about playing any musical instrument. I strongly disagree with this point of view.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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