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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 11

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 11 WJJq
Luxurious parties likes wedding, birthday parties and other event people they are saying it is not practical. Well, it depends of lifestyle of the person. I believe that it is okay to spend money especially if the event is important like wedding. All women have been dreaming for a nice wedding event like me. My husband and I we really plan our wedding from my gown, his clothes, our parents clothes, venue, number of guess we will invite, wedding coordinator and church where we will have the wedding ceremony. We really spent a lot of money in our wedding. However, it is fulfillment and happiness we felt because we granted our wish to have a successful and elegant wedding party. Furthermore, wedding is considered that one of the major event in our life. This coming Friday it is my son’s 7th birthday party. We also celebrate child’s 7th birthday from our grandparents generation they celebrates this event and we adapt from them. Hosting an event in our country like sports, Miss Universe and others, Government spending of millions of Dollar. In the other hand our countries will benefits because of population of tourist will increase and nation can makes money. Some people celebrates an event but they can’t afford. They will find way to borrow money just to have a good event to show to the others. After the event/party they will be facing shortage of money and it is difficult for them to pay debts. Some people they are lending from bank or selling their properties. In this case, better to have small party that you will not get headache to pay your debts. To conclude, think hundred times before you will spend a lot of money for the event. It is good to be wiser at all times.
Luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
likes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
, birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they are saying it is not practical.

Well, it
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depends on".
depends
of lifestyle of the person. I believe that it is okay to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
especially
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
. All women have been dreaming for a nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
like me. My husband and I we
really
plan our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
from my gown, his clothes, our parents clothes, venue, number of guess we will invite,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
coordinator and church where we will have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
ceremony. We
really
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
.
However
, it is fulfillment and happiness we felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we granted our wish to have a successful and elegant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
is considered
that one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in our life. This coming Friday it is my son’s 7th birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. We
also
celebrate child’s 7th birthday from our grandparents generation they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "celebrate"
celebrates
this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
event and
we adapt from them.

Hosting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in our country like sports, Miss Universe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
spending of millions of Dollar. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand our countries will benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of population of tourist will increase and nation can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
makes
money.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
celebrates
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can’t afford. They will find way to borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to the others. After the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
/party they will be facing shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and it is difficult for them to pay debts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they are lending from bank or selling their properties.
In this case
, better to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
that you will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
headache to pay your debts.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you will spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to be wiser at all times.
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IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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