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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. 9Knx
Spending a lot of money on birthday parties or at a wedding party is a wastage of money according to some people. Others believe that celebration is vital for the society and an individual and I agree with this view. Some people are of the opinion that money should not be wasted on marriage or birthday parties. They say that money is precious and should be saved for the future. Future is unpredictable. Funds should be saved for an emergency rather than wasting it on celebrations. Moreover, the money could be saved for education. One could pursue higher education with the money they have saved. One the other hand, people believe that celebrating birthdays brings harmony in the society. People get together under one roof and enjoy the celebration. They become a part of the party and share happiness. For an individual, these celebration brings closeness. One cannot live alone, which is why wedding parties or birthday parties brings people together. As a result, a person gets to share happiness with others hence bring people together. I believe in this view. Money could be saved for a secure future. Despite this, one could not live alone in this world. So celebrations bring the society and an individual together and brings harmony. In conclusion, considering the aforementioned view, in my opinion, one should celebrate weddings and birthday parties.
Spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
or at a wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
is a wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
is vital for the society and an individual and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not
be wasted
on marriage or birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
. They say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is precious and should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saved
for the future. Future is unpredictable. Funds should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saved
for an emergency
rather
than wasting it on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saved
for education. One could pursue higher education with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they have saved.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that celebrating birthdays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
harmony in the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together under one roof and enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
. They become a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
and share happiness. For an individual, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
closeness. One cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone, which is why wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
or birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
As a result
, a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to share happiness with others
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. I believe in this view.

Money could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saved
for a secure future. Despite this, one could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone in this world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
the society and an individual together and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
harmony.

In conclusion
, considering the aforementioned view, in my opinion, one should celebrate weddings and birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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