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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society.

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. 07K1
In the current world, most of the people like to celebrate any special occasion by inviting a lot of people. The discussion that throwing too much money to hold parties like birthday, marriage or any other special event is a debatable one, with strong logics provided by the supporters of both the views. A few argue that the special events need to be celebrated grandly, as it happens only a few times in a lifetime. For instance, marriage is considered to occur once in a lifetime and the people want to have the memory of that event until their last breath. This is possible only when the location is well decorated and all of the friends and the neighbours are invited. By spending limited money, it is almost impossible to achieve something special which will be remembered forever. Thus it is obvious, why some people incline towards this point of view.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to celebrate any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
occasion by inviting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The discussion that throwing too much money to hold parties like birthday, marriage or any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is a debatable one, with strong logics provided by the supporters of both the views. A few argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
need to
be celebrated
grandly
, as it happens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few times in a lifetime.
For instance
, marriage
is considered
to occur once in a lifetime and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to have the memory of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
until their last breath. This is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when the location is well decorated and
Consider using "all the".
all of the
friends and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
are invited
. By spending limited money, it is almost impossible to achieve something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
which will
be remembered
forever.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is obvious, why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
incline towards this point of view.

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
151 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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