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Some people think that social media is bring us further apart. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that social media is bring us further apart. with this statement? 7apo3
Many people believe that social media platforms widen the gap between people. To a certain extent, I advocate this point of view. On the one hand, it is true that social media helps to bridge the gap between people and encourage people to come together to solve problems. Firstly, through social networking sites, people can stay in touch with their loved ones regardless of geographical distance. Some features of social media sites such as texting or video calls allow people to reach their friends and make visual interact no matter how far they are, which helps to improve the quality of relationships. Secondly, social media is a tool to unite people and organizations across the world to tackle social issues. For instance, ENV, which is a conservation organization in Vietnam, has a customized strategy to use social media as a tool to spread the message of protecting wildlife animals. This campaign has engaged a lot of young Vietnamese people and they form a community to make a pledge not to use products from wildlife animals. On the other hand, although the rapid emergence of social media has greatly facilitated communication between people around the world, it also has numerous detrimental effects on the relationships between people. The first drawback is that social media can lead to a loss of physical connection. Many people are placing their real-life relationships with virtual connections as social media is considered a more convenient way to communicate and brings people a sense of connectedness. As a result, this loss of face to face interactions could push people away from their own community and lead to social isolation. In addition, social media could be a major distraction in daily lives and interactions. For example, in a gathering, young people often stick to their smartphone to check messages or notifications rather than engaging in actual conservation, which could lead to the destruction of relationships between people. In conclusion, while social media can bring about some benefits regarding connecting people, it also causes a reduction in face-to-face conversations and builds an invisible wall between people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms widen the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To a certain extent, I advocate this point of view.

On the one hand, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to bridge the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and encourage
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people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to solve problems.
Firstly
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay in touch with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones regardless of geographical distance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
features of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sites such as texting or video calls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach their friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
visual interact no matter how far they are, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a tool to unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and organizations across the world to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ENV
, which is a conservation organization in Vietnam, has a customized strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as a tool to spread the message of protecting wildlife animals. This campaign has engaged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young Vietnamese
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they form a community to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a pledge not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
products from wildlife animals.

On the other hand
, although the rapid emergence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
greatly
facilitated communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world, it
also
has numerous detrimental effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
first
drawback is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can lead to a loss of physical connection.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are placing their real-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with virtual connections as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is considered
a more convenient way to communicate and brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of connectedness.
As a result
, this loss of face to face interactions could push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
community and lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
could be a major distraction in daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and interactions.
For example
, in a gathering, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
stick to their smartphone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
messages or notifications
rather
than engaging in actual conservation, which could lead to the destruction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits regarding connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it
also
causes a reduction in face-to-face conversations and builds an invisible wall between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that social media is bring us further apart. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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