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Some People Think That Should Ban Dangerous Sports

Some People Think That Should Ban Dangerous Sports LGyAn
Nowadays, a growing number of people are drawn to participating in extreme sports such as boxing. However, there are conflicting views about whether these activities should be prohibited. Both sides of the argument will be discussed in this essay, followed by my perspective on this matter. People advocating ban on extreme sports have their own reasons / justifications. Firstly, most of these activities are aggressive, making participants very vulnerable to injury or even death. For example, in China, kite surfing which is a dangerous sport is extremely popular and the death rate among the participants is quite high. Obviously, it was the participation in this activity that led to the loss of so many lives. Furthermore, some dangerous sports are violent such as boxing which involves lots of high-speed kicking and punching. If players perform them frequently, they may become violent or be desensitized to violence in real life. Such impacts/insensitivity may trigger them to commit crimes, impairing social stability. Hence, it is necessary to disallow people from participating in risky sports. However, opponents have their own arguments. They argue that dangerous sports do not pose safety risks because most sports require participants to receive professional training to protect themselves, thereby lowering their probability of being injured. What is more, sports like car racing have been gaining more popularity than before and have become an important industry in many countries. If they were banned, then many people would lose their jobs, making it difficult for them to survive. Also, for those cities relying on sports events like F1 to attract tourists, their tourism industry would be affected adversely. As discussed above, although endangering sports threaten participants’ lives or lead to crimes, people could take measures to reduce the risks. Therefore, I believe that we should be free to participate in those sports but training should be provided to teach us how to protect ourselves.
Nowadays, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are drawn
to participating in extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as boxing.
However
, there are conflicting views about whether these activities should
be prohibited
. Both sides of the argument will
be discussed
in this essay, followed by my perspective on this matter.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
advocating ban on extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons / justifications.
Firstly
, most of these activities are aggressive, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vulnerable to injury or even death.
For example
, in China, kite surfing which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
extremely
popular and the death rate among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
is quite high.
Obviously
, it was the participation in this activity that led to the loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are violent such as boxing which involves lots of high-speed kicking and punching. If players perform them
frequently
, they may become violent or
be desensitized
to violence in real life. Such impacts/insensitivity may trigger them to commit crimes, impairing social stability.
Hence
, it is necessary to disallow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from participating in risky sports.

However
, opponents have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
arguments. They argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
do not pose safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
to receive professional training to protect themselves, thereby lowering their probability of
being injured
.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like car racing have been gaining more popularity than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and have become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
industry in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. If they
were banned
, then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would lose their jobs, making it difficult for them to survive.
Also
, for those cities relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like F1 to attract tourists, their tourism industry would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
adversely
.

As discussed above, although endangering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
threaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
or lead to crimes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could take measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Therefore
, I believe that we should be free to participate in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
training should
be provided
to teach us how to protect ourselves.
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IELTS essay Some People Think That Should Ban Dangerous Sports

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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