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In order for a country to become economically powerful the government should invest in research and development of computer technology, and less money on national defense.

In order for a country to become economically powerful the government should invest in research and development of computer technology, and less money on national defense. 26BOA
With the development of science and technology in recent years, it is important for the government to build a fully developed country in order to catch up with other nations. Therefore, they are advised to invest in many researches of computer technology, which means less money will be spent on national defense. Personally, I assume they are on the wrong track because of these following reasons. Undeniably, one of the fastest ways to develop a country is approaching modern technology. High gadgets will not only benefit the country but also will improve the society, make the citizens’ life become more convenient. For instance, Japan has fruitfully succeeded in creating modern robots. These robots were so successful that the Japanese even built a hotel which is operated by them and it has attracted lots of tourists from all over the world. Another example, which some people may not know about, is that the multiverse is being studied by scientists with a view to gaining more knowledge about other planets and the universe. State-of-the-art equipment will be very helpful in this aspect and as a result, mankind will evolve more in the future. However, the government cannot just only invest in technology and ignore the nation. Hence, they should also spend some money on national defense. Should there be no defense, the country will be attacked surprisingly by the enemy and consequently, lose the national resources. It is very important to protect and keep those assets safe as well as the community. Vice versa, it is also people’s duty to defend and enrich the country, just like a home and every family member has to take care of it. The government should strengthen the army; grown-ups should work hard to improve life quality; students should study laboriously to become supportive citizens for society. To sum up, the government obviously has to take some actions to develop the nation and it was brilliant of them to choose technology as the main target. However, they must not invest too much on it and then forget about their responsibility of defending their country.
With the development of science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in recent years, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to build a
fully
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to catch up with other nations.
Therefore
, they
are advised
to invest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, which means less money will
be spent
on national defense.
Personally
, I assume they are on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these following reasons.

Undeniably
, one of the fastest ways to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is approaching modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. High gadgets will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the citizens’ life become more convenient.
For instance
, Japan has
fruitfully
succeeded in creating modern robots. These robots were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
successful that the Japanese even built a hotel which
is operated
by them and it has attracted lots of tourists from all over the world. Another example, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may not know about, is that the multiverse is
being studied
by scientists with a view to gaining more knowledge about other planets and the universe. State-of-the-art equipment will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful in this aspect and
as a result
, mankind will evolve more in the future.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the nation.
Hence
, they should
also
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money on national defense. Should there be no defense, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
be attacked
surprisingly
by the enemy and
consequently
, lose the national resources. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to protect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
those assets safe
as well
as the community. Vice versa, it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s duty to defend and enrich the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a home and every family member
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take care of it. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should strengthen the army; grown-ups should work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
life quality; students should study
laboriously
to become supportive citizens for society.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions to develop the nation and it was brilliant of them to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as the main target.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not invest too much on it and then forget about their responsibility of defending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay In order for a country to become economically powerful the government should invest in research and development of computer technology, and less money on national defense.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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