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some people think that robots are very important to human future development. others think that they are dangerous and have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some people think that robots are very important to human future development. others think that they are dangerous and have negative effects on society. v. 1
Technology has become an integral part of human's life due to its advancement and smartness. Therefore, plenty of people reckon that artificial intelligence like robots are highly lucrative for future enhancement of this modern world. However, others think the contrary and say that although robots are beneficial yet it can affect badly to the society. Having discussed both views I will discuss my opinion reasonably deeply. Proponents of robots suggest some advantageous points such as it can work 24/7 hours without any break and more fast comparatively and robots can be sent into dangerous places. Initially, not only will robots enhance the productivity of the company, but also it cannot strain the budget of any farm because robots do not take rest and paid leave. Therefore, robots are a one time investment, it just take repair occasionally. Thus, it has become first priority of every company ranging from small to medium to big. Besides this, robots can also quite lucrative for hazardous work such as mining and underwater research which can jeopardise the lives of humans. For example, a survey conducted by Oxford University showed that the ratio of deaths has decreased in dangerous places since the robots are launched. Every coin has two sides, where the robot has merits there some demerits can also been seen such as eradicates labour jobs. First of all, although artificial intelligence will benefit to farms, yet it can lead to unemployment because robots do not need to rest but humans have to. And robots work quickly relatively. Therefore, labour work can be demolished by artificial intelligence. For an illustration, the Indian newspaper published an article showing that since the Apple company has installed robots instead of humans, 20% employees of Apple have kicked out of jobs. Self-evidently, these are the points which prove the disadvantages of robots. To conclude, having discussed both views, I convinced to say that although companies will earn high profits, but this technology can eradicate the jobs and lead to unemployment and poverty.
Technology has become an integral part of human's life due to its advancement and smartness.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that artificial intelligence like robots are
highly
lucrative for future enhancement of this modern world.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the contrary and say that although robots are beneficial
yet
it can affect
badly
to the society. Having discussed both views I will discuss my opinion
reasonably
deeply
.

Proponents of robots suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantageous points such as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
24/7 hours without any break and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
comparatively
and robots can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
places.
Initially
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will robots enhance the productivity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it cannot strain the budget of any farm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
robots do not take rest and paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.
Therefore
, robots are a one time investment, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Did you mean "takes"?
take
repair
occasionally
.
Thus
, it has become
first
priority of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
ranging from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
to medium to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
.
Besides
this, robots can
also
quite lucrative for hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as mining and underwater research which can
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardise' is British English.
jeopardise
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of humans.
For example
, a survey conducted by Oxford University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the ratio of deaths has decreased in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
places since the robots
are launched
.

Every coin has two sides, where the robot has merits there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits can
also
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
such as eradicates
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
jobs.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, although artificial intelligence will benefit to farms,
yet
it can lead to unemployment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
robots do not need to rest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
. And robots
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
quickly
relatively
.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
be demolished
by artificial intelligence. For an illustration, the Indian newspaper published an article showing that since the Apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has installed robots
instead
of humans, 20% employees of Apple have kicked out of jobs. Self-
evidently
, these are the points which prove the disadvantages of robots.

To conclude
, having discussed both views, I convinced to say that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will earn high profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this technology can eradicate the jobs and lead to unemployment and poverty.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay some people think that robots are very important to human future development. others think that they are dangerous and have negative effects on society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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