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Some people think that PUBG should not be allowed to students. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that PUBG should not be allowed to students. 56BdP
Playing computer games such as Pubg and Fortnite have become increasingly popular among students, if not adults. Many people constantly complain that children should not be authorized to play these games. However, there are others who believe that online games are beneficial for young people. I completely agree with the assertion that establishing bans on Pubg and Fortnite is a right way to do, and will give my reasons below. Online games such as Pubg and Fortnite can certainly distract students from school. Distraction from homework could have a far-reaching impact on their school marks, because bag grades at school means that a student will probably pass the annual exams with low results. Passing school exams are vital, as most universities will refer to them. Doing this means that pupils will not have a well paid work. This argument demonstrated, I believe, that computer games should be prohibited to children. Just as a distraction, being absorbed in playing games may have a detrimental influence on children's eyesight. The screens of whether computers or phones emit a bright and harmful light that in turn, unhealthy for people's eyes. This can be seen by the number of studies that already attributed the deterioration of eyesight to modern technology such as television, computers and telephones. Emission from these devices can also cause health problems, for example cancer, as most people use mobile phones while they are charging, and uncharged gadgets can therefore induce a system collapse. As a result, online games may not be only harmful, but also lead to phone's crash. Finally, certain computer games, namely PUBG or Fortnite can prompt students to commit a crime, as the main purpose of these games is to kill rivals. In America, for instance, over a third of its crimes are basically done by teenagers, and in most cases the reason was the overload of playing games. This is mainly bacause of a content that many online games, namely violence. After having commited a crime teenager will consequently be imprisoned, so it means that in the future these people will be faced with financial issues. This demonstrates that computer games could encourage students to do a crime. In conclusion, PUBG and Fortnite certainly distract students from homework, it may also has a deleterious effect on their eyesight and urge children to commit a crime, but it would be better if such games were not allowed to children.
Playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pubg
and Fortnite have become
increasingly
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, if not adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
constantly
complain that children should not
be authorized
to play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
, there are others who believe that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are beneficial for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the assertion that establishing bans on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pubg
and Fortnite is a right way to do, and will give my reasons below.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pubg
and Fortnite can
certainly
distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Distraction from homework could have a far-reaching impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
marks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
bag grades at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
means that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will
probably
pass the annual exams with low results. Passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
exams are vital, as most universities will refer to them. Doing this means that pupils will not have a well paid work. This argument demonstrated, I believe, that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be prohibited
to children.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as a distraction,
being absorbed
in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may have a detrimental influence on children's eyesight. The screens of whether computers or phones emit a bright and harmful light that in turn, unhealthy for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's eyes. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the number of studies that already attributed the deterioration of eyesight to modern technology such as television, computers and telephones. Emission from these devices can
also
cause health problems,
for example
cancer, as most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phones while they are charging, and uncharged gadgets can
therefore
induce a system collapse.
As a result
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harmful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lead to phone's crash.

Finally
, certain computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
namely
PUBG or Fortnite can prompt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, as the main purpose of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is to kill rivals. In America,
for instance
, over a third of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are
basically
done by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, and
in most cases
the reason was the overload of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This is
mainly
Possible spelling mistake found.
bacause
of a content that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
namely
violence. After having
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "committed", the past tense form of the verb 'commit'?
commited
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
will
consequently
be imprisoned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it means that in the future these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be faced
with financial issues. This demonstrates that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do a crime.

In conclusion
, PUBG and Fortnite
certainly
distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from homework, it may
also
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
a deleterious effect on their eyesight and urge children to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be better if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to children.
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You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that PUBG should not be allowed to students.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
402 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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