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Some people think that private companies, rather than governments, should pay for cleaning up the environment. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that private companies, rather than governments, should pay for cleaning up the environment. with this opinion? GMjVg
The ever-intensifying environmental pollution has been hanging over human beings and threatening survival of creatures on our planet for many years. Although I agree that governments have drained substantial capitals to confront this issue, I do not think enterprises can be excluded from curbing contamination and deterioration. Obsessed with commercial production in greedy pursuit of profits, many industries are blind to how much pollutants they have discharged into the environment. During the process of industrialization, toxic gases contaminate the atmosphere, untreated sewage is poured into rivers and lakes, and soil erodes chronically undermined by waste material. As a result, the public fall victim to industrial development, suffering from various environment-related health problems such as respiratory diseases and food poisoning. Therefore, not only are companies obliged to actively reduce the pollutants released, but they should dedicate to environmental protection by facilitating research and development of clean energy and environmentally-friendly products to substitute for previous ones. Government always involves in preserving the environment from enacting laws to allocating financial reserves for protection projects. This is because regulations are justified to ensure private companies meet their environmental responsibilities. Likewise, taxes imposed on them enable authorities to relieve the pressure on environment by funding relevant researches. These prioritized policies are high on the government’s agenda in the drive to resolve problems. As government accumulates capitals from private companies and society, it is reasonable to tangibly invest in protection and implement other effective measures. In conclusion, private companies should embrace innovations in green technologies and business models so as to restrict the quantity of pollutants, whereas governments are also responsible for seizing the initiative to combat pollution by comprehensive methods.
The ever-intensifying environmental pollution has been hanging over human beings and threatening survival of creatures on our planet for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have drained substantial capitals to confront this issue, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
enterprises can
be excluded
from curbing contamination and deterioration.

Obsessed with commercial production in greedy pursuit of profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries are blind to how
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
pollutants they have discharged into the environment. During the process of industrialization, toxic gases contaminate the atmosphere, untreated sewage
is poured
into rivers and lakes, and soil erodes
chronically
undermined by waste material.
As a result
, the public fall victim to industrial development, suffering from various environment-related health problems such as respiratory diseases and food poisoning.
Therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
obliged to
actively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pollutants released,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should dedicate to environmental protection by facilitating research and development of clean energy and
environmentally
-friendly products to substitute for previous ones.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
always involves in preserving the environment from enacting laws to allocating financial reserves for protection projects. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
regulations
are justified
to ensure private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their environmental responsibilities.
Likewise
, taxes imposed on them enable authorities to relieve the pressure on environment by funding relevant researches. These prioritized policies are high on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
agenda in the drive to resolve problems. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
accumulates capitals from private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and society, it is reasonable to
tangibly
invest in protection and implement other effective measures.

In conclusion
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should embrace innovations in green technologies and business models
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
restrict the quantity of pollutants, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are
also
responsible for seizing the initiative to combat pollution by comprehensive methods.

IELTS essay Some people think that private companies, rather than governments, should pay for cleaning up the environment. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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