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Some people think that part time jobs are a waste of time for students. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think that part time jobs are a waste of time for students. gGAq3
In the present times, every individual of every class seek to work for their survival. Students are too often found indulged in part-time jobs. It is a highly debated topic that such projects waste the time of the tutees. I Strongly deny to this statement as such jobs helps the students to be independent and confident. They are able to pay their own bills and get themselves a good survival. I myself work at a coffee shop after school and I am able to pay my fees without even bothering my parents. Such work opportunities make them active and rather than sitting idle with a dull mind, it provides a platform for the creative mind to come into play. On the flip side, a number of people claim that such jobs as a waste of time as it may not let the studying force concentrate on the studies. They believe that the tutees keep studies on the stake of money which is completely a false assumption. What i feel is that money goes hand in hand with studies as it helps them to pay their fees. To sum up, part -jobs are a helping hand in the academic plans of various individuals.
In the present times, every individual of every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
seek to work for their survival. Students are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found indulged in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. It is a
highly
debated topic that such projects waste the time of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tutees
. I
Strongly
deny to this statement as such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the students to be independent and confident. They are able to pay their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bills and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
survival. I myself work at a coffee shop after
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
I am able to pay my fees without even bothering my parents. Such work opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them active and
rather
than sitting idle with a dull mind, it provides a platform for the creative mind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into play. On the flip side, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as a waste of time as it may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the studying force concentrate on the studies. They believe that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tutees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
studies on the stake of money which is completely a false assumption. What
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
feel is that money goes hand in hand with studies as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to pay their fees. To sum up, part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
-jobs
are a helping hand in the academic plans of various individuals.
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IELTS essay Some people think that part time jobs are a waste of time for students.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
202 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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