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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that the school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give own opinion.

In a salad days of millennium, the society is polarized into two groups almost equally regarding to the notion that, many masses believe that parents should teach their adolescents how to be good members of society. However, others says that school is a better place to learn this. Different people have their distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making the final sheets. To commence with the first notion that, there are myraid things to be shared in its favour of parents should teach their children how to become good members of community. First and foremost, parents are the first teacher to juviniles at the early age. Since, caretakers can teach their children some best qualities such as love, respect, honesty and obedience. As a result, it helps to kids should be responsible when they are growing up how to respect their elders and love their young ones. Secondly, the caretakers spend most of time with their adolescents at home due to the fact of children spend 6 to 8 hours at school. Whereas, rest of the time they mostly spent with extra curricular activity. Shifting towards to the second school of thought that, school is a golden place for children to learn how to be good members of society. Since, nowadays some parents are not having proper time to spend with them due to both men and women might be employed or they may kept their children in a boarding school. Consequently, the school is better place to learn these qualities to become nice person. Hammering the last nail, I personally believe that both the above mentioned arguments carry equal strength and significance for teaching the children.
In
The plural noun “days” cannot be used with the article “a”.
a salad days
of millennium, the society
is polarized
into two groups almost
equally
The phrase ‘regarding to’ is not correct. Use “regarding” or “regard to”.
regarding to
the notion that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
masses believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their adolescents how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of society.
However
, others says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a better place to learn this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the final sheets.

To commence with the
first
notion that, there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraid
things to
be shared
in its
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of community.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teacher to
Possible spelling mistake found.
juviniles
at the early age. Since, caretakers can teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
best qualities such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, respect, honesty and obedience.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to kids should be responsible when they are growing up how to respect their elders and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their young ones.
Secondly
, the caretakers spend
Consider using “most time” or “most of the time”.
most of time
with their adolescents at home due to the fact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend 6 to 8 hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, rest of the time they
mostly
spent with
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activity.

Shifting towards to the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a golden place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of society. Since, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not having proper time to spend with them due to both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women might be
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
employed or
they may
The modal verb ‘may’ requires the verb’s base form.
kept
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is better place to learn these qualities to become nice person.

Hammering the last nail, I
personally
believe that both the above mentioned arguments carry equal strength and significance for teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that the school is the best place to learn this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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