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“Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.”

“Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. ” BXKw
Besides learning academic subjects in the school, some people also advocated that students should be thought how to be good member in line with their society, however in the same time opposing sites claim school is not a place where children get the lang of become trust civilization, from my perspective, school ought to remain the nest of academic issue; One the one hand, there are a great amount of reasons why education systems must be limited in their aims, first, children have distance to open up themselves to their teachers. It may come from personality, traditional issues or the policy of education system therefore students are more inclined to pour their feelings or idea into their parents, for example in my country every person give their habits, opinions, a way of living, second, people have a variety of ways to perpetuate of reliable member, another word, some give weight to teach in terms of treir religion, while others tend to be more liberal way, thus that issues have to be left in the are of family otherwise it may give rise to intervention in the essence of individual rights Last, the target of training is to get students prepared their future professionals, On account of that teachers have been grown up in accordance to that aims. In that respect, if they take this responsibility on their shoulders, they could not show their ability appropriately On the other hand, it has a diversity of movtive that circiculum should have more tendency to give social issues in the education systems, firstly, those days some countries are suffering from gathering people to common ground namely; every people expose their children their worldview consequently it leads to a country population to walk away from each other, therefore education systems may be extended in a way of contain it, so that it could make sure to the fabric of society less diverse, however it may not reach its aim in terms of lack of warm compared with family, secondly, it might cause that children have less time to spend their family, set aside time to their personal issues such as sport, having fun with friends, so on, It results in many difficulties such as depression or lack of concentration due to the weight of the lesson To sum up, i would like to point out that school have a special area of our children to the future, therefore the view mentioned above should be given by family
Besides
learning academic subjects in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
advocated that students should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member in line with their society,
however
in the same time opposing sites claim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not a place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lang
of become trust civilization, from my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
ought to remain the nest of academic issue;

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, there are a great
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be limited
in their aims,
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have distance to open up themselves to their teachers. It may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from personality, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
or the policy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
therefore
students are more inclined to pour their feelings or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
into their parents,
for example
in my country every person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their habits, opinions, a way of living, second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a variety of ways to perpetuate of reliable member, another word,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
weight to teach in terms of
Possible spelling mistake found.
treir
religion, while others tend to be more liberal way,
thus
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in
Did you mean "they are" or "there are"?
the are
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
otherwise
it may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
rise to intervention in the essence of individual
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
rights


Last, the target of training is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
students prepared their future professionals,

On account of that teachers have
been grown
up in accordance to that aims. In that respect, if they take this responsibility on their shoulders, they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their ability
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
appropriately


On the other hand
, it has a diversity of
Possible spelling mistake found.
movtive
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
circiculum
should have more tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
,
firstly
, those days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries are suffering from gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to common ground
namely
; every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
expose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
their worldview
consequently
it leads to a country population to walk away from each other,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
may
be extended
in a way of contain it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure to the fabric of society less diverse,
however
it may not reach its aim in terms of lack of warm compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
secondly
, it might cause that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have less time to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, set aside time to their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as sport, having fun with friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,

It results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties such as depression or lack of concentration due to the weight of the lesson

To sum up,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to point out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have a special area of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the future,
therefore
the view mentioned above should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
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IELTS essay “Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. ”

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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