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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. qOow
Some people prefer children playing outdoor activities than children than computer games. I personally agree with the statement as it helps a child develop their mind. Nowadays youngters are being lazy and outdoor sports make them energetic and active thereby providing physical activity everyday. Going out can help a child socialise with people around the community and make new friends. Playing in the field makes you happy and active the whole day. Globally, children fall often and sometimes cause health issues such as viral fevers, breathing problems, high blood pressure, etc engaging in sports can improve their increase blood flow, oxygen levels In today's world, stress has been a very huge impact in our lives espacially on children due to exams and peer pressure makes them fall into depression and stepping out of the house getting involved in different activities can distract student's mind and avoid over-thinking. However, the worldwide we depend on technology and can help young adults to learn computer and get use to it. They also can learn programming languages and create new websites or games at a very young age which would make it more easier in future. On the other hand, playing video games on computer at one place withput moving can cause neck pains and pressure on your spinal cord and starring on the screen for many hours can also cause strain on your eyes and sitting at one place. Therefore, it damages your physical and mental health as well. Overall, parents have to engage their children into any sports activities and use computers to a very limited extend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than computer games.

I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a child develop their mind. Nowadays
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngters
are being lazy and outdoor sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them energetic and active thereby providing physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. Going out can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a child
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the community and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
new friends. Playing in the field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you happy and active the whole day. Globally,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cause health issues such as viral fevers, breathing problems, high blood pressure, etc engaging in sports can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their increase blood flow, oxygen levels

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
huge impact in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Possible spelling mistake found.
espacially
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to exams and peer pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them fall into depression and stepping out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
getting involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can distract student's mind and avoid over-thinking.

However
, the worldwide we depend on technology and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young adults to learn computer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to it. They
also
can learn programming languages and create new websites or games at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
On the other hand
, playing video games on computer at one place
Possible spelling mistake found.
withput
moving can cause neck pains and pressure on your spinal cord and starring on the screen for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours can
also
cause strain on your eyes and sitting at one place.
Therefore
, it damages your physical and mental health
as well
.

Overall
, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
engage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into any sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited extend
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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