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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is commonly believed that doing outdoor activities is much better than playing with laptops. Many partents prefer that their offspring do out door activities rather than playing with their laptpos. I partially agree with this as I think children should have the chance to do both for many reasons which will be discussed in the follwoing lines. There are many reasons to consider doing outdoor activites instead of playing games on computers. The main reason that it helps young generation to bolish their communication skills which is essentail to have a successful future. Accroding to a study conducted in Cairo university, in 2010, 80 % of children, who showed great communication and interpersonal skills, were regularly envloved in doing sport and play activities with our kids from similar age. This shows the susbstantail effects of these activity on children's personalities. However, kids who play online games are often smarter than those who do not do this. becuase they imrove the way child think and behave. To put it another way, in order to win a game, you should think carefully and try more than once. This kind of action gives the determination that kids might require further in their lives. For example, some of famous computer engineers nowadays used to play video games while they were young, and this has inspired them to creat their own games. Inconclusion, although outdoor activities are necessary to build great and successful next generations, online games should not be neglected. The children should do some, but this have to be uner supervision of their caretakers.
It is
commonly
believed that doing outdoor
activities
is much better than playing with laptops.

Many
partents
prefer that their offspring do
out door
activities
rather
than playing with their
laptpos
. I
partially
agree
with this as I
think
children should have the chance to do both for
many
reasons which will
be discussed
in the
follwoing
lines.

There are
many
reasons to consider doing outdoor
activites
instead
of playing
games
on computers. The main reason that it
helps
young generation to
bolish
their communication
skills
which is
essentail
to have a successful future.
Accroding
to a study conducted in Cairo university, in 2010, 80 % of children, who
showed
great communication and interpersonal
skills
, were
regularly
envloved
in doing sport and play
activities
with our kids from similar age. This
shows
the
susbstantail
effects of these
activity
on children's personalities.

However
, kids who play online
games
are
often
smarter than those who do not do this.
becuase
they
imrove
the way child
think
and behave. To put it another way, in order to win a game, you should
think
carefully
and try more than once. This kind of action gives the determination that kids might require
further
in their
lives
.
For example
,
some
of
famous
computer engineers nowadays
used
to play video
games
while they were young, and this has inspired them to
creat
their
own
games.

Inconclusion
, although outdoor
activities
are necessary to build great and successful
next
generations, online
games
should not
be neglected
. The children should do
some
,
but
this
have to
be
uner
supervision of their caretakers.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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