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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. EWnQ
Our modern life greatly influenced with the advancement of technology, therefore computer game become more popular rather than outdoor activity. I completely believe that oudoor activity has more advantages over the computer game. There are several advantages of computer game. Firstly, In this ultra modern era children are more influenced with digital technology thats why they are more like computer video game, Its audio video visual effects attract toward it, 4K graphics and virtual reality add more advantages in that. Also attractive play station and different kind of advance games are easily available now a days. Secondly, advance computer games loaded with logical puzzles and advanced programming which give player good mental exercise and help to improve their brain muscles. It is also improve confidence to face any kind of challenges in competition. Finally, Computer or video game are safe in compare to outdoor activity because there are no any physical activity involved in that and mostly it is played in surveillance under parents supervision. I believe large extend that outdoor activity has more advantages, It is involved with highly physical activity so that physical development is prime advantage of that. Furthermore outdoor activity mostly involved with group activity like Cricket, Football, Musical chair, It is teach us co-operation, Leadership, how to handle failure. Moreover it has no any side effect as like computer game, for instance we always heard about someone faces eyes problem like vision syndrome due to over use of computer. Additionaly it teach us great lesson of social activity and improve our communication which could help to build new relationship and friendship. In conclusion, we cannot denied the benefits of computer games, while outdoor activity has more power to build our strength, group relations and communication, which are more beneficial ever.
Our modern life
greatly
influenced with the advancement of technology,
therefore
computer game become more popular
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. I completely believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
oudoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
over the computer game.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of computer game.
Firstly
, In this ultra modern era children are more influenced with digital technology
Possible spelling mistake found
thats
why they are more like computer video game, Its audio video visual effects attract toward it, 4K graphics and virtual reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
in that.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
attractive play station and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
easily
available
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
.
Secondly
, advance computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
loaded with logical puzzles and advanced programming which give player
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mental exercise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their brain muscles. It is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "improved".
improve
confidence to face any kind of challenges in competition.
Finally
, Computer or video game are safe in compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
involved in that and
mostly
it
is played
in surveillance under parents supervision.

I believe large extend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, It
is involved
with
highly
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that physical development is prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of that.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
mostly
involved with group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like Cricket, Football, Musical chair, It is
Consider using a past participle here: "taught".
teach
us co-operation, Leadership, how to handle failure.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it has
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any side effect as like computer game,
for instance
we always heard about someone faces eyes problem like vision syndrome due to over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Additionaly
it
Did you mean "teaches"?
teach
us great lesson of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our communication which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build new relationship and friendship.

In conclusion
, we cannot
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "deny"
denied
the benefits of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has more power to build our strength, group relations and communication, which are more beneficial ever.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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