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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. AjgoN
Some people believe that outdoor activities provide more benefit for a child’s development than playing computer games. Not only do I completely agree with this idea, but I also believe that computer games are quite detrimental to a child’s development. Outdoor activities are beneficial to children in many ways. Human beings are meant to be a part of nature, and constantly being trapped in unnatural environments limits children’s ability to develop physically, mentally, and emotionally. For example, humans are not designed to sit in a chair for long periods of time, be it in a classroom or in an office, as it has detrimental effects on their bodies. Spending time outdoors helps to remedy this problem by allowing people to move freely and stimulate and strengthen their muscles which helps to improve their posture and well-being. Furthermore, studies have proven that children who spend more time outdoors and in nature are far less stressed and more mentally and emotionally stable than those who spend less time outdoors and more time watching television or playing computer games. Playing computer games, on the other hand, poses several risks to the development of children. Firstly, most computer games are addictive, and this can lead to several negative effects for children, both physically and mentally. Studies have shown that children who play computer games for even just one hour a day can suffer from eyesight and musculoskeletal problems, which inevitably negatively affects other areas of their lives, including their studies. Moreover, mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, and stress are commonly found in children who play addictive and violent computer games, and this also negatively affects their development, and can have a detrimental impact on their relationships and ability to communicate with others. In conclusion, although some computer games can be educational and can have certain positive effects on children’s development, I believe that the negative impacts far outweigh any benefit, and that spending time outdoors is the key to a healthy development for children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities provide more benefit for a child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
than playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
believe that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are quite detrimental to a child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Outdoor
activities are beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Human beings
are meant
to be a part of nature, and
constantly
being trapped
in unnatural environments limits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
ability to develop
physically
, mentally, and
emotionally
.
For example
, humans are not designed to sit in a chair for long periods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, be it in a classroom or in an office, as it has detrimental effects on their bodies. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to remedy this problem by allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
freely
and stimulate and strengthen their muscles which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their posture and well-being.
Furthermore
, studies have proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
and in nature are far less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and more mentally and
emotionally
stable than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television or playing computer games.

Playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
on the other hand
, poses several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, most computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are addictive, and this can lead to several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, both
physically
and mentally. Studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one hour a day can suffer from eyesight and musculoskeletal problems, which
inevitably
negatively
affects other areas of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, including their studies.
Moreover
, mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
are
commonly
found in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play addictive and violent computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and this
also
negatively
affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, and can have a detrimental impact on their relationships and ability to communicate with others.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be educational and can have certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts far outweigh any benefit, and that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
is the key to a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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