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Some people think that one good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events, while others think that it is not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that one good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events, while others think that it is not. pR12a
It is thought by some people that international sporting events are an effective medium of promoting world peace, while other people think that it is a waste of time and money. In my opinion, I agree that International sporting events, promote peace by bringing all the countries of the world on one stage and bringing cultures together. Firstly, in international sporting events, all the countries of the world participate and come together on the same stage. In other words, all the countries compete in these events irrespective of their geographical, economical and political differences. The best example of an international sporting event in the Olympics. In the Olympics, all the athletes and the representatives of the world meet and greet each other. This brings harmony among the nations which leads to an overall truce in the world. Secondly, international sporting events increase international reconciliation by encouraging people to travel to different countries and making them by understanding their culture, heritage, and religion. As these events take place in different countries, people travel to the hosting country to cheer and celebrate their country's team. Consequently, people understand the culture, tradition, history, and language of the organizing country. This promotes globalization, leading to a better understanding among people. Finally, international events lead to world accord by providing funds to countries in calamities or natural disasters. The international events are organized by global committees which also raise funds through these events to help countries in need. This strengthens the bond between the countries, thus improving their relations. In conclusion, in my opinion, international sporting events bring countries together at a stage where they meet, discuss and help each other, which in turn leads to world peace.
It is
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thought
by
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some
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people
that
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international
sporting
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events
are an effective medium of promoting
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world
peace, while
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other
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people
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think
that it is a waste of time and money. In my opinion, I
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agree
that
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International
sporting
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events
, promote peace by bringing all the
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countries
of the
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world
on one stage and bringing cultures together.

Firstly
, in
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international
sporting
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events
, all the
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countries
of the
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world
participate and
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come
together on the same stage. In
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other
words, all the
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countries
compete in these
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events
irrespective of their geographical, economical and political differences. The best example of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in the Olympics. In the Olympics, all the athletes and the representatives of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and greet each
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other
. This brings harmony among the nations which leads to an
overall
truce in the world.

Secondly
,
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international
sporting
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events
increase
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international
reconciliation by encouraging
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people
to travel to
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different
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countries
and making them by understanding their culture, heritage, and religion. As these
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events
take place in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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countries
,
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people
travel to the hosting
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country
to cheer and celebrate their country's team.
Consequently
,
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people
understand the culture, tradition, history, and language of the organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This promotes globalization, leading to a better understanding among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
,
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international
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events
lead to
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world
accord by providing funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in calamities or natural disasters. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are organized
by global committees which
also
raise funds through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to
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help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in need. This strengthens the bond between the
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countries
,
thus
improving their relations.

In conclusion
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
together at a stage where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, discuss and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, which in turn leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace.
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IELTS essay Some people think that one good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events, while others think that it is not.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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