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The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. PVExw
As the world’s civilization develops year by year, the amount of crime rate among youngsters is rising automatically. There are some factors which led to this problem and solutions to stop the growth of crime rates. In this essay I will express my thoughts on them. Firstly, lack of parental control is the main reason for criminal acts among youngsters. There are many parents that cannot spend TIME with their children, after which IT leads teenagers to contact with groups who are addicted to bad habits. For instance, youngsters without parent’s supervision steal, rob or commit crimes. And without parent’s control, this causes cybercrime and advance free fraud activities. Every teenager dreams to become rich at their young age and sometimes these dreams bring youngsters to use the internet on inappropriate purposes. Such as, using technologies and gadgets, to steal personal information, like credit card numbers, bank details to so they can transfer stranger's funds to their own account. To solve this, parents must control their children and teach by showing the use of internet in a right way. Following this, the amount of illegal activities with teens will reduce. Secondly, in developing countries, the rate of education is low and insignificant proportion of population attends school. Those who leave or drop out of school engage in some form of illegal activity. For example, by breaking into people’s house and stealing something valuable, while they are gone. To tackle down this problem, the governments should inform youngsters about the consequences of crime and discourage them from committing crime through mass media sources, school lessons and public awareness campaigns. To sum up, from my point of view governments, educational organizations and individuals should be involved to solve this critical issue to prevent unpredictable circumstances which can threaten our future.
As the world’s civilization develops year by year, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate among youngsters is rising
automatically
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors which led to this problem and solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates. In this essay I will express my thoughts on them.

Firstly
, lack of parental control is the main reason for criminal acts among youngsters. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that cannot spend TIME with their children, after which IT leads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to contact with groups who
are addicted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
For instance
, youngsters without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
supervision steal, rob or commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. And without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
control, this causes cybercrime and advance free fraud activities. Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
dreams to become rich at their young age and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
these dreams bring youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet on inappropriate purposes. Such as, using technologies and gadgets, to steal personal information, like credit card numbers, bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can transfer stranger's funds to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
account. To solve this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control their children and teach by showing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
. Following this, the amount of illegal activities with teens will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

Secondly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, the rate of education is low and insignificant proportion of population attends school. Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
or drop out of school engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of illegal activity.
For example
, by breaking into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and stealing something valuable, while they
are gone
. To tackle down this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should inform youngsters about the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and discourage them from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
through mass media sources, school lessons and public awareness campaigns.

To sum up, from my point of view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, educational organizations and individuals should
be involved
to solve this critical issue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
unpredictable circumstances which can threaten our future.
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IELTS essay The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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