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Some people think that music is a good way of bringing people from different culture and age group

Some people think that music is a good way of bringing people from different culture and age group 8aBrG
In this modern era, music lead fundamental essential role in everyone's life. Mass of people opine that, music is one of the effective way to mitigate numerous problem. Also help to break the gap between two various age group and culture. To begin with choice, young people like to listen Rock and pop music. On the contrary, adults preferred traditional songs and 90s Bollywood song. Apart from this, in the festivals like navratri, durga puja, Ganesh Chaturthi, Eid, etc. All group of people prefer to listen and and sing traditional song and bhajans. Moreover, at birthday parties and other special occasions, bunch of people favour to rock and pop music. In additional, also one of the main reason is that music composed in each and every country according to their language. Consequently, people from every part of the world listen music. Also music are become popular among the Global. In today's world, people prefer to listen every types of a song which are attracted them and they get impressed by heart. No matter song is composed in which language. For example, in India young people are more likely to listen Hollywood song aur BTS songs. Also by music they are attractive with their culture. On the other hand, plethora of senior citizen of our country would suffer from various illness. Consequently, doctor suggest them to listen meditation music. It is a help them to heal their problems. Furthermore, for production of a music they use multiple music instruments, these kind of instruments are almost same in every country, so that it is help to reduce culture difference between the countries. Additionally, plethora of country's provide music events, for example, in India Arijit Singh is a famous singer. He is a popular among a young and adults both group of people, when he would arrange concerta, multiple group of people want to listen his song. Age group doesn't matter in this situation. In conclusion, music is important part in our life, it can help to reduce the gap between different age group and culture. Also it is help to healing soul. It is the connection between us, regardless of our background, culture and age.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lead fundamental essential role in everyone's life. Mass of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the effective way to mitigate numerous problem.
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to break the gap between two various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and culture.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with choice, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
Rock and pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
On the contrary
, adults preferred traditional songs and 90s Bollywood song. Apart from this, in the festivals like
Possible spelling mistake found.
navratri
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
durga
Possible spelling mistake found.
puja
, Ganesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chaturthi
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eid
, etc. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
sing traditional song and
Possible spelling mistake found.
bhajans
.
Moreover
, at birthday parties and other special occasions,
It seems that an article is missing.
bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
to rock and pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In additional,
also
one of the main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
composed in each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
according to their language.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from every part of the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are become
popular among the Global. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "type"?
types
of a song which
are attracted
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
impressed by heart. No matter song
is composed
in which language.
For example
, in India young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
Hollywood song
Possible spelling mistake found.
aur
BTS songs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they are attractive with their culture.

On the other hand
, plethora of senior citizen of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would suffer from various illness.
Consequently
, doctor suggest them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
meditation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to heal their problems.
Furthermore
, for production of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
instruments,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of instruments are almost same in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
culture difference between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Additionally
, plethora of
Consider using the plural form here: "countrys".
country's
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
for example
, in India
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arijit
Singh is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer. He is a popular among a young and adults both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, when he would arrange
Possible spelling mistake found.
concerta
, multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
his song.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
doesn't matter in this situation.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our life, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gap between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and culture.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to healing soul. It is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
us, regardless of our background, culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that music is a good way of bringing people from different culture and age group

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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