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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? 7ea5
Money is considered by many people to be one of the most important contributing factors towards happiness. In my opinion, it is possible for people to be happy even if they have little money and other aspects of life can play a more vital role in creating happiness. Although having money brings happiness to a lot of people, it does not necessarily follow that people without money are, therefore, unhappy. Take for example the comparison between developing and developed countries, most Westerners would agree that people in developing countries are happier, enjoy stronger family connections and take more pleasure in the simplicities of life to a greater extent than those in developed countries. One way that people can gain happiness is through their work. For instance, a doctor doing volunteer work in underdeveloped countries may have very little money but the reward of helping people and doing the job they are good at, brings happiness in itself. In other words, happiness can be found by using skills that people are trained for and through job satisfaction. Finally, another factor influencing happiness is having supportive and loving people in one’s life. While money may bring the opportunities to enjoy pleasures, few people would enjoy them on their own. Being surrounded by a loving and caring family is considered by most people to be more valuable than any amount of money. In conclusion, money is not essential for happiness, which can be found through job satisfaction as well as family. If more people strived in life towards true happiness rather than money, the world would be a beer place.
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Money
is considered
by
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many
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people
to be one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important


contributing factors towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In my opinion, it is possible for

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be happy even if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and other aspects of

life can play a more vital role in creating happiness.

Although having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it does not
necessarily


follow that
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people
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are,
therefore
, unhappy. Take
for example
the

comparison between developing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, most Westerners

would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are happier, enjoy stronger

family connections and take more pleasure in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
simplicities
of life to a greater

extent than those in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

One way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is through their work.
For instance
, a

doctor doing volunteer work in underdeveloped countries may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little


money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reward of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and doing the job they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at,

brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in itself.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
be found
by using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills


that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trained
for and through job satisfaction.

Finally
, another factor influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is having supportive and loving

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in one’s life. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may bring the opportunities to enjoy pleasures,

few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would enjoy them on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Being surrounded
by a loving and

caring family
is considered
by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more valuable than any amount

of money.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, which can
be found
through

job satisfaction
as well
as family. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strived in life towards true

happiness
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the world would be a beer place.
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IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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