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Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions

Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions dMpX
There exists a general believe that a strong and fit body enhance athletes's flexibility. During the period of practising, most of muscles and bones in the body are improved that will have great a impact on the reflex and the fast. Secondly, an enduring body allows them to perform movements and activities that require power without getting tired. Owning to the fact that when players have healthiness, their lungs, the circulatory system, bone and muscle function properly. The last benefit is that it encourages to avoid injuries. After hard training, competitors are given satisfactory result that their shape are perfect. A balance in both weigh and height is advantage for standing or moving stably in the battle
There exists a general believe that a strong and fit body enhance
Did you mean "athlete's" or "athletes'"?
athletes's
flexibility. During the period of
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the muscles") or simply say "most muscles".
most of muscles
and bones in the body are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
that will have great
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
impact on the reflex and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
Secondly
, an enduring body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to perform movements and activities that require power without getting tired. Owning to the fact that when players have healthiness, their lungs, the circulatory system, bone and muscle function
properly
. The last benefit is that it encourages
Did you mean "avoiding"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to avoid
injuries. After
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
training, competitors are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
satisfactory result that their shape are perfect. A balance in both weigh and height is advantage for standing or moving
stably
in the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
battle

IELTS essay Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
116 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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