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Some people think that men and women are different so men are more suitable for certain jobs and are the same with women. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that men and women are different so men are more suitable for certain jobs and are the same with women. v. 2
There are millions of jobs in this modern era. There are physical differences between genders so the certain jobs are maybe suitable for a certain gender. Some physical labour works are more suitable for male for their distinctive physical features whereas dealing with a social relationship might be suitable for females. While I understand that there are some roles may be advantageous for specific genders, however I believe that the selection of roles should not be limited to gender preferences only. As society develops, the millions of occupations have been created. Some of positions may be involving with labour works such as carrying heavy stuffs or mining works, and then this may be suitable for men since they have more muscles. According to US scientific journal, men have more muscles or have more cells that can easily transform to muscles than that of females. Therefore, men can be able to work in labour without any physical issues than that of females. Moreover, this is the same for females. Females are usually better in communication and dealing with people since they are mastered in speech and communication skills. Therefore, women are certainly better in certain positions than that of men. However, it does not mean that those positions are stuck with the certain genders forever. As the society develops, certain gender preferred positions have transformed. Female preferred positions are now worked by males and vice versa. Women are doing a regular exercise to keep their body fit and strong as much as men so that they can work in the same conditions or same position as men. So it is very common to see that there are female soldiers, female cops or female miners. This is the same for men too. Nowadays, men are more sensitive or delegate to deal with customers and communications. As a result, the distinction of gender in a role has faded away. In conclusion, it is understandable that some roles may be suitable for a certain gender in the case of the positions is involving with labour works. Even though those types of positions may be better for male to be working on due to their physical abilities, women can do the job as much as men. If the roles are limited to the genders, the occupations that people apply for will be restricted. This means the growth in occupation would be restricted. Thus, the roles should not be strict to the gender only.
There are millions of jobs in this modern era. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
differences between genders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
jobs are maybe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
gender.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
works are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
for male for their distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
features whereas dealing with a social relationship might be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. While I understand that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
may be advantageous for specific genders,
however
I believe that the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
should not
be limited
to gender preferences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

As society develops, the millions of occupations have
been created
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
may
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be involving
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
works such as carrying heavy stuffs or mining works, and then this may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
since they have more muscles. According to US scientific journal,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have more muscles or have more cells that can
easily
transform to muscles than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
issues than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
Moreover
, this is the same for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
are
usually
better in communication and dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
since they
are mastered
in speech and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, women are
certainly
better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
than that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

However
, it does not mean that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are stuck
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
genders forever. As the society develops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
gender preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
have transformed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Female
preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
worked by males and vice versa. Women are doing a regular exercise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body fit and strong as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the same conditions or same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
soldiers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
cops or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
miners. This is the same for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
too. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more sensitive or delegate to deal with customers and communications.
As a result
, the distinction of gender in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
has faded away.

In conclusion
, it is understandable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suitable
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
gender in the case of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is involving
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
works.
Even though
those types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
may be better for male to be working on due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
abilities, women can do the job as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
are limited
to the genders, the occupations that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
apply for will
be restricted
. This means the growth in occupation would
be restricted
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
should not be strict to the gender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that men and women are different so men are more suitable for certain jobs and are the same with women. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
408 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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