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some people think that large international sporting events only brings drawbacks, and that it is not worth hosting them. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

some people think that large international sporting events only brings drawbacks, and that it is not worth hosting them. v. 2
Hosting global sport contests have several disadvantages, so it should be discontinue organizing them, according to some people. In my opinion, although it has certain downside, such as financial pressure, its positive impact can easily surpass its negative side. To begin with, it is understandable why a few people are against such events considering its downsides. Organizing a huge event with participation from all over the world puts huge burden on nation' s economy because it demands enormous fund. For example, the Olympic hosted by China in 2014 that costed them around $3 billion, a waste of taxpayer' s hard-earned money. Moreover, Contest at this level often invites more corruption because officials try to fill their own pocket under the name of competition. A scam, for example, of around $40 million uncovered, in 2008, during the Commonwealth sport meet in India. Thus many people discourage such competition. However, it offers a great value compared to its negative impact. Firstly, its role in creating a large number of employment opportunities because setting up such a contest requires a huge workforce. For instance, a single event can provided work to as much as 40000 people. Secondly, it is great platform to integrate diverse culture participating from different countries and to encourage individuals towards sports as well as healthy lifestyle which can have great impact on life in the long run. Additionally, governments have to invest less in health care if their citizens are healthy. Thus, nations should not stop organizing such event in the light of few minor downsides. In conclusion, although few corrupt individual exploits this opportunity for their personal gains; its positive impact can easily outweigh its negative side. Thus, authorities should invest more to make its organization corruption free and affordable.
Hosting global sport contests have several disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should be
Consider using the past participle "discontinued"?
discontinue
organizing them, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, although it has certain downside, such as financial pressure, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
can
easily
surpass its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is understandable why a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
considering its downsides. Organizing a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
with participation from all over the world puts huge burden on
Possible spelling mistake found.
nation&
#039; s economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it demands enormous fund.
For example
, the Olympic hosted by China in 2014 that costed them around $3 billion, a waste of
Possible spelling mistake found.
taxpayer&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money.
Moreover
, Contest at this level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
invites more corruption
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
officials try to fill their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pocket under the name of competition. A scam,
for example
, of around $40 million uncovered, in 2008, during the Commonwealth sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in India.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discourage such competition.

However
, it offers a great value compared to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
.
Firstly
, its role in creating
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
employment opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
setting up such a contest requires a huge workforce.
For instance
, a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
can provided work to as much as 40000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, it is great platform to integrate diverse culture participating from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and to encourage individuals towards sports
as well
as healthy lifestyle which can have great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on life in the long run.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest less in health care if their citizens are healthy.
Thus
, nations should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
organizing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in the light of few minor downsides.

In conclusion
, although few corrupt individual exploits this opportunity for their personal gains; its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
can
easily
outweigh its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side.
Thus
, authorities should invest more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
its organization corruption free and affordable.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay some people think that large international sporting events only brings drawbacks, and that it is not worth hosting them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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