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some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a City. others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. discuss both views and give your opinion

some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a City. others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. discuss both views and give your opinion DBLj
The swift increase in urbanization has been challenging urban planning. Many people believe that a modern city cannot be lack of spacious, remarkable buildings, whereas, others need a new improvement in facilities such as schools and hospitals. Every modern city has its own symbolic buildings. Skyscrapers or outlandish constructions not only represent the city but also attract domestic and international visitors. This helps the city with its tourism, thereby raising other industries such as entertainment, food, and so on. Although I do not deny the importance of buildings in cities, we should not forget what ordinary people need. Citizens cannot enjoy the beauty of the city if they do not have good education and health. Most people worry about what to eat, in what school their children should study, how long they have to wait to see a doctor when getting ill. As a Vietnamese person, I comprehend that improving facilities is essential. Children fight each other every day due to bad educated, national hospitals are always full of patients because lower levels do not have enough medical devices and doctors. In conclusion, I think that both views have their own positive and negative side. Along with developing people's ordinary needs, governments also need to improve citizen's spiritual life.
The swift increase in urbanization has been challenging urban planning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that a modern city cannot be lack of spacious, remarkable buildings, whereas, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a new improvement in facilities such as schools and hospitals.

Every modern city has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
symbolic buildings. Skyscrapers or outlandish constructions not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
represent the city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
attract domestic and international visitors. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the city with its tourism, thereby raising other industries such as entertainment, food, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Although I do not deny the importance of buildings in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, we should not forget what ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. Citizens cannot enjoy the beauty of the city if they do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and health. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worry about what to eat, in what school their children should study, how long they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a doctor when getting ill.

As a Vietnamese person, I comprehend that improving facilities is essential. Children fight each other every day due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
educated, national hospitals are always full of patients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lower levels do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
medical devices and doctors.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side. Along with developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
citizen's spiritual life.

IELTS essay some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a City. others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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