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Some People Think That Large, Impressive Buildings Are Important For A City. Others Believe That The Money Should Be Spent On Improving Schools And Hospitals.

Now, there are numerous famous buildings that were built long ago but still surprised many people until now. A number of buildings are also considered symbols, when it is mentioned that people will know the country that owns it or vice versa, such as Tu Cam Thanh-Beijing (China), Burj Khalifa-Dubai, etc. On the contrary why do I think why not save resources for school and hospital construction instead of these buildings? And from this point of view I completely agree to build more schools and hospitals than these expensive buildings. First, making the country well-known is essential but there is no need to waste it on luxury homes. Using that resource to build the best education for the country will make the country even more beautiful in the world. A country with a good education in good schools is a country richer than any other. Secondly, health is always the first priority in everyone's consciousness, it is possible to have health to do what we want, good things for this society and the world. So, for the enormous amount of money to build those buildings, let's create the best hospitals with state-of-the-art equipment and the best environments for the sick. Make it possible for sick people to live longer, healthier lives so that the country can be even richer. In short, the construction of those buildings is not really necessary in my opinion, and good schools and hospitals are essential to all of us.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, there are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
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buildings
that
were built
long ago
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but
still
surprised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
also
considered symbols, when it
is mentioned
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
it or vice versa, such as Tu Cam Thanh-Beijing (China), Burj Khalifa-Dubai, etc.
On the contrary
why do I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
why not save resources for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
construction
instead
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
? And from this point of view I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to build more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
than these expensive buildings.

First
, making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
well-known is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no need to waste it on luxury homes. Using that resource to build the best education for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
even more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
in the world. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
richer than any other.

Secondly
, health is always the
first
priority in everyone's consciousness, it is possible to have health to do what we want,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things for this society and the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, for the enormous amount of money to build those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's create the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
with state-of-the-art equipment and the best environments for the sick.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
it possible for sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, healthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can be even richer.

In short, the construction of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
is not
really
necessary in my opinion, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
are essential to all of us.
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IELTS essay Some People Think That Large, Impressive Buildings Are Important For A City. Others Believe That The Money Should Be Spent On Improving Schools And Hospitals.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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