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Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that animals are a necessary part of the diet. What is your opinion?

In recent years, animal welfare and animal protection have been given higher weight by the general public. Many adopt a view that meat plays an indispensable role in human daily meals. However, to the best of my knowledge, I do believe that butchery is cruel, immoral and people can live healthily without slaughtering and eating animals. Firstly, it is important that scientific vegetarian diet which has adequate nutrients and substances has been recognized and favored by a large number of people. Nowadays, scientists have proven that many types of plants such as grains, mushroom, and vegetables can provide integral, crucial substances for health and bodily growth similarly as meat does. In fact, for instance, there are many celebrities and famous persons have to choose to be vegetarians in order to improve their health and fight against the capitalization of animals which leads to animal pain and environmental problems. Secondly, vegetarian diets are vital, beneficial when it comes to human health and well-being. Anecdotal evidence shows that meat-free diets can help to inhibit and even cure some fatal diseases such as cancer. Scientific experiments claim that meat dishes supply nutrients for cancer cells while plant meals do not. Furthermore, albeit intangible, some people recognize that vegetarian lifestyle enhances spiritual life and help them feel better, happier. In conclusion, not only do meatless diets provide sufficiently necessary nutrients for people’s health, but it also improves human life in a positive way. Therefore, people should reduce meat gradually and replace by vegetables because of its benefits and avoiding cause pain to animals.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
welfare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
higher weight by the
Consider using only “public” to avoid wordiness.
general public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adopt a view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
plays an indispensable role in human daily meals.
However
, to the best of my knowledge, I do believe that butchery is cruel, immoral and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
without slaughtering and eating animals.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that scientific vegetarian diet which has adequate nutrients and substances has
been recognized
and favored by
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays, scientists have proven that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of plants such as grains, mushroom, and vegetables can provide integral, crucial substances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
bodily
growth
similarly
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
does. In fact,
for instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose to be vegetarians in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fight against the capitalization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
pain and environmental problems.

Secondly
, vegetarian diets are vital, beneficial when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and well-being. Anecdotal evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that meat-free diets can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to inhibit and even cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fatal diseases such as cancer. Scientific experiments claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
dishes supply nutrients for cancer cells while plant meals do not.
Furthermore
, albeit intangible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recognize that vegetarian lifestyle enhances spiritual life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them feel better, happier.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do meatless diets provide
sufficiently
necessary nutrients for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
human life in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
gradually
and replace by vegetables
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its benefits and avoiding cause pain to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that animals are a necessary part of the diet. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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