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In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes and what can be done to address this problem.

Although the mass media has convinced many individuals that wealth leads to happiness, that’s not always the case. With the development of modern society, the young generation in many countries has been living in much better-off living conditions than ever before. However, those youngsters are lacking happiness. There is one principal reason why they are less happy and one potential solution to tackle this issue. The most important cause is that numerous youngsters can not strike the balance between work and life. In today’s society, lots of individuals are burnt out on their jobs because of having to work long hours at demanding jobs. The issue here is that while work does provide life satisfaction, working insanely long hours prevents us from relaxing and enjoying life, which soon makes them depressed. Plus, higher-paying jobs and promotions usually come with more responsibility and stress. As a result, individuals will need to focus on working and spend less time with their families. Without frequent face-to-face conversations and emotional communication, youngsters will feel alone, be isolated from their families, and less happy than before. Being confronted with these problems, some measures and actions should be taken into consideration. First and foremost, youngsters should balance time for working and relaxing. They should take a holiday after a period of hard-working to refresh their mind and after that, they can work more effectively. Additionally, the young generation should also invest more time in staying with their families and friends. In doing so, they can share daily problems with their lovers and have more support for success in life. This is indeed a wonderful solution which not only can efficiently strengthen the bond of the family but also can develop the harmony of the entire family. In conclusion, there is one main reason why youngsters of today are not as happy as their counterparts of the past, although their living conditions have improved considerably. Fortunately, by taking simple steps to balance work and life, young people can eventually improve their happiness.
Although the mass media has convinced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals that wealth leads to happiness, that’s not always the case. With the development of modern society, the young generation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries has been living in much better-off living conditions than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
However
, those youngsters are lacking happiness. There is one principal reason why they are less happy and one potential solution to tackle this issue.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause is that numerous youngsters can not strike the balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society, lots of individuals
are burnt
out on their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours at demanding jobs. The issue here is that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
does provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
satisfaction, working
insanely
long hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
us from relaxing and enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them depressed. Plus, higher-paying jobs and promotions
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with more responsibility and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
As a result
, individuals will need to focus on working and spend less time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Without frequent face-to-face conversations and emotional communication, youngsters will feel alone,
be isolated
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and less happy than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Being confronted
with these problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures and actions should
be taken
into consideration.
First
and foremost, youngsters should balance time for working and relaxing. They should take a holiday after a period of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working to refresh their mind and after that, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
effectively
.
Additionally
, the young generation should
also
invest more time in staying with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and friends. In doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can share daily problems with their lovers and have more support for success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This is
indeed
a wonderful solution which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
efficiently
strengthen the bond of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can develop the harmony of the entire family.

In conclusion
, there is one main reason why youngsters of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are not as happy as their counterparts of the past, although their living conditions have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
considerably
.
Fortunately
, by taking simple steps to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their happiness.
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IELTS essay In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes and what can be done to address this problem.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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