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Some people think that it is the responsibility of individuals to be happy, whiles others believe that happiness depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give you opinion.

Some people think that it is the responsibility of individuals to be happy, whiles others believe that happiness depends on other factors. OwQY3
People differ greatly in their views about the aspect which is conducive to individual happiness. While it is believed that the sense of well-being could derive from wealth, I would contend that there are other factors playing more indispensable roles in enhancing one’s happiness index. On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why numerous people argue that wealth is a pivotal constituent of a happy life. First and foremost, having a huge amount of money can make people’s life more enjoyable, comfortable, and convenient. This is because they will fulfill their dreams such as receiving high-class education or traveling around the globe if they have a strong financial background. Furthermore, economic success often implies a high social status. As a consequence, not only can people have a sense of happiness but they may also earn respect from others. On the other hand, I am firmly convinced that having money is not the sole precursor to one’s happiness. Firstly, happiness is related to wholesome physique and mentality. To explain, although wealth an meet personally material needs, it will be of little meaning if one suffers from physical or mental health. Moreover, happiness, sometimes, does not lie on economic success but directly on work-life balance. More precisely, when people balance between their work and other aspects in their life they tend to be confident and optimistic. To sum up, achieving economic success can bring people happiness because of providing people with a good opportunity to carry out their desires and bringing high social status. However, I extremely believe that good physical and mental health and work-life balance exert a more positive impact on the happiness of people.
People
differ
greatly
in their views about the aspect which is conducive to individual
happiness
. While it
is believed
that the sense of well-being could derive from wealth, I would contend that there are other factors playing more indispensable roles in enhancing one’s
happiness
index.

On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why numerous
people
argue that wealth is a pivotal constituent of a happy life.
First
and foremost, having a huge amount of money can
make
people’s
life more enjoyable, comfortable, and convenient. This is
because
they will fulfill their dreams such as receiving high-
class
education or traveling around the globe if they have a strong financial background.
Furthermore
, economic success
often
implies a high social status. As a consequence, not
only
can
people
have a sense of
happiness
but
they may
also
earn respect from others.

On the other hand
, I am
firmly
convinced that having money is not the sole precursor to one’s
happiness
.
Firstly
,
happiness
is related
to wholesome physique and mentality. To
explain
, although wealth
an
meet
personally
material needs, it will be of
little
meaning if one suffers from physical or mental health.
Moreover
,
happiness
,
sometimes
, does not lie on economic success
but
directly
on work-life balance. More
precisely
, when
people
balance between their work and other aspects in their life they tend to be confident and optimistic.

To sum up, achieving economic success can bring
people
happiness
because
of providing
people
with a
good
opportunity to carry out their desires and bringing high social status.
However
, I
extremely
believe that
good
physical and mental health and work-life balance exert a more
positive
impact on the
happiness
of
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is the responsibility of individuals to be happy, whiles others believe that happiness depends on other factors.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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