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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than working in a company. Give the reason why it is happen? What is the Disadvantages of being self-employed?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than working in a company. Give the reason why it is happen? What is the Disadvantages of being self-employed? BLk0j
Since competition in job has been growing over the period, priority is given to be businessman. I will discuss what is the reason of this trend and demerits of establishing own trade. To commence with, there are certain reasons of opening own business. The first prominent is that job provides fix amount of wage, which can not be fullfil our dreams as well as family desires, Thus people lead to leave it and want make their business. The another factor is punctuality and spending less time for family and hobbies. To be more precise, if they have their own enterprise, it would not have a concern about leave and could spend quality time for entertainment. However, there are certain cons of being marchant which can not be ignored. Firstly, individuals have to invest huge amount of money at initial stage and must have ability of tolerating trouble and lose of profit. Secondly, the responsibilities would be higher as others such as providing salary of workers on time, burden of work and many more. My father, for an instance, started his own business as he knew that he will not able to fullfil all desires which are given from family. To conclude, regardless of Disadvantages of being self-employed, people quit their job owing to many reasons such as fixed salary and lackbof time for family and entertainment.
Since competition in job has been growing over the period, priority is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to be businessman. I will discuss what is the reason of this trend and demerits of establishing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
trade. To commence with, there are certain reasons of opening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. The
first
prominent is that job provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
amount of wage, which can not be
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfil
our dreams
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
desires,
Thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it and want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their business. The another factor is punctuality and spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and hobbies. To be more precise, if they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
enterprise, it would not have a concern about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and could spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for entertainment.
However
, there are certain cons of being
Possible spelling mistake found.
marchant
which can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
Firstly
, individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest huge amount of money at initial stage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have ability of tolerating trouble and lose of profit.
Secondly
, the responsibilities would be higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
others such as providing salary of workers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, burden of work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. My father, for an instance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business as he knew that he will not able to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfil
all desires which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
To conclude
, regardless of Disadvantages of being self-employed,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
quit their job owing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
salary and
Possible spelling mistake found.
lackbof
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and entertainment.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than working in a company. Give the reason why it is happen? What is the Disadvantages of being self-employed?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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