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Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries. Others however, believe it is unnecessary because TV and the Internet can give all the same information. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries. Others however, believe it is unnecessary because TV and the Internet can give all the same information. v. 2
As the world is becoming smaller than ever before, thanks to the rapid technology development and cheaper transportation cost. There are two contrasting views with regard to accessing other cultures. Firstly, people need to visit other countries to know other countries vividly whereas the others are accessing the information about other cultures through the medium of the Internet and TV. I will examine these two contrast views and add my comment on them. On the one hand, nobody cannot deny the fact that the way to travelling other countries have been the most traditional measure for people to have been used for experiencing other people's lifestyles and thoughts. This style has several advantages. One of the obvious advantages is that people can understand another culture more deeply through various ways such as having conversations with local people, eating the country's traditional custom, which are not possible in other medium to introduce other cultures. Thus, there are many people prefer to this traditional practice to experience other cultures. On the other hand, some people insist that fully taking advantage of TV and Internet to understand other countries has various advantages. One of the very conspicuous positive points is that it will give cost efficiency compared to the traditional method to travel abroad as it does not require people to buy the flight ticket or to stay in extravagant hotels for a couple of nights. In addition to this, the Internet has abolished some obstacles such as chatting with other country's people which have been impossible unless people visit the country. Hence, such technological advancement seems to contribute to change the way people access other cultures. In conclusion, each method has its own comparative advantage. It is quite hard to which one is more advantageous than other methods since people will weigh differently according to their preference. However, I personally to have the traditional way to travel abroad country since I like to experience in person.
As the world is becoming smaller than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, thanks to the rapid technology development and cheaper transportation cost. There are two contrasting views with regard to accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
vividly
whereas the others are accessing the information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
through the medium of the Internet and TV. I will examine these two contrast views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
my comment on them.

On the one hand, nobody cannot deny the fact that the way to travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
measure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyles and thoughts. This style has several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. One of the obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can understand another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
more
deeply
through various ways such as having conversations with local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, eating the country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
custom, which are not possible in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
medium to introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Thus
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
practice to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that
fully
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of TV and Internet to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
conspicuous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points is that it will give cost efficiency compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
method to travel abroad as it does not require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the flight ticket or to stay in extravagant hotels for a couple of nights.
In addition
to this, the Internet has abolished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles such as chatting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which have been impossible unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Hence
, such technological advancement seems to contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures.

In conclusion
, each method has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
comparative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
. It is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to which one is more advantageous than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will weigh
differently
according to their preference.
However
, I
personally
to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
way to travel abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
since I like to experience in person.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries. Others however, believe it is unnecessary because TV and the Internet can give all the same information. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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