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Some people think that it is better to work in one organisation while others think that it is better to work for different organisation. Discuss both the view and give your opinion

Some people think that it is better to work in one organisation while others think that it is better to work for different organisation. Discuss both the view and give your opinion kYLrd
Employee’s are the backbone of any organisation. Some working professional prefer to work for same organisation for whole career because they believe that longetivity in an organisation leads to secure the job. Others think that it is better to work for different organisation gives them the opportunity to have lucarative salary. I opine that it is more effective to work in different organisation. On one hand, Utmost concern of working professional is their job security and many used to believe that their loyalty to the organisation will help them secure their job. During the time of recession, organisation one of the employee retention policy is their tenure with the organisation. For instance a survey conducted about the prime reason of success stories of century old companies were many loyal veterans. On other hand, in the fast moving world and high inflation rate almost all fear about fulfilling the growing needs. Many of us admit that it is better to work in different firms leads to have better pay scale. Being opportunistic by having leverage on an organisation for particular position ends up with high lucarative salary in their cart. For example, Mr. Fawad joined as CEO of Megacorp Mindtree Ltd. Bags whopping salary of 40 million dollars. To conclude that some of employees believe that remaining faithful to one company relieve them from fear of job security whereas I be of the opinion that we grow exponentially when we target verticals in different organisations.
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
Employee’s
are the backbone of any
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
working professional prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for whole career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
longetivity
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
leads to secure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
gives them the opportunity to have
Possible spelling mistake found.
lucarative
salary. I opine that it is more effective to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

On one hand, Utmost concern of working professional is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to believe that their loyalty to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them secure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. During the time of recession,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
one of the employee retention policy is their tenure with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
For instance
a survey conducted about the prime reason of success stories of century
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
loyal veterans.

On other hand, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
moving world and high inflation rate almost all fear about fulfilling the growing needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of us admit that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
firms leads to have better pay scale. Being opportunistic by having leverage on an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for particular position ends up with high
Possible spelling mistake found.
lucarative
salary in their cart.
For example
, Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fawad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
as CEO of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Megacorp
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mindtree
Ltd. Bags whopping salary of 40 million dollars.

To conclude
that
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the employees") or simply say "some employees".
some of employees
believe that remaining faithful to one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
relieve them from fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security whereas I be of the opinion that we grow
exponentially
when we target verticals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to work in one organisation while others think that it is better to work for different organisation. Discuss both the view and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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