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Some people think that it is best for extended families to live together. Other people think that it is best for the nuclear family to live away from the extended family. Which one do you prefer?

Some people think that it is best for extended families to live together. Other people think that it is best for the nuclear family to live away from the extended family. Which one do you prefer? ABn6w
Families are the most important parts of our society. If the families in a community are strong, it means this community is much more powerful. While some people think that the nuclear family living away from the extended family is the best, in my opinion, having extended families to live together is the best for some reasons such as helping each other and having a great time together as well as sharing the expenses. First of all, if you live in an extended family, it means there are always some people who are willing to help you whenever you need. It is very beneficial, if you are in a bad situation. For instance, one of my friends lives with his grandfather. He had a terrible accident last week and his grandfather who has been retired looked after him all week. This experience thought me that, extendedP families to live together are good for everyone when they need help. Moreover, living in an extended family provides an amazing opportunity to spend time together. To explain, everyone lives far away from each other in Turkey. Therefore, they can see each other only on holidays. For instance, I have not seen my grandmother who lives in Antalya since I was twenty years old. SinceI work too much, I do not have any opportunity to go to an other Pcity. If I lived with my extended family I would have a chance to spend more time with themP. Furthermore, it is good extended families to live together for all of the house expensesP. If you live in a city, you must pay rent, gas and electricity bills as well as for credit cards… etc. It is really hard to pay them alone, but if you live with your extended family it means, you can share all the expenses. For instance, one of my friends lives with his uncle. Since they divide all the expenses he has an opportunity to live in a big house and to save his remain money. In conclusion, living in an extended family brings a lot of advantages. Extended families can help each other and have an opportunity to see each other. If you live in a huge house and pay for only the part of all the expenses, it means you are the luckiest person in the world. Because of all these reasons, it is better to live in an extended families than in a nuclear family.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts of our society. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in a community are strong, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
this community is much more powerful. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
living away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the best, in my opinion, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together is the best for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons such as helping each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and having a great time together
as well
as sharing the expenses.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you whenever you need. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial, if you are in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation.
For instance
, one of my friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with his grandfather. He had a terrible accident last week and his grandfather who has
been retired
looked after him all week. This experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
me that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
extendedP
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for everyone when they need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Moreover
, living in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
provides an amazing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to spend time together. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
far away from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in Turkey.
Therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on holidays.
For instance
, I have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
my grandmother who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antalya
since I was twenty years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
SinceI
work too much, I do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to go to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pcity
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
I would have a chance to spend more time with
Possible spelling mistake found.
themP
.

Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
Possible spelling mistake found.
expensesP
. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a city, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay rent, gas and electricity bills
as well
as for credit cards… etc. It is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to pay them alone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
, you can share all the expenses.
For instance
, one of my friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with his uncle. Since they divide all the expenses he has an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and to save his remain money.

In conclusion
, living in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and pay for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the part of all the expenses, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
you are the luckiest person in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of all these reasons, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "family"?
families
than in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is best for extended families to live together. Other people think that it is best for the nuclear family to live away from the extended family. Which one do you prefer?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
408 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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