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Some people think that in this modern world people are getting dependent on each other while others think the modern world makes people more independent of each other

Some people think that in this modern world people are getting dependent on each other while others think the modern world makes people more independent of each other GMNpB
A part of the human population think, in this new and modern world, the people are getting dependent on each other whereas the rest of the population believe otherwise. Some believe people are more independent on each other other for various of reasons, for instance humans now more than ever hire people for almost everything and anything, driving, babysitting, cleaning, doing their makeup, etc. Moreover it is very very easy to hire these workers and get the job done since you are able to find almost everything on the internet, thanks to the modern technology. In addition they also believe humans are dependent on each other because unlike the old days people nowadays have it very easy. People always have an easy way out, by technology or by relying on other world. In this advanced world, some new professions like researchers, make people lazier than ever. While they can research on their own using various online tools they would rather have Someone else do it for them. Although all that may be true, on the other hand some of the mankind believe otherwise because of valid reasons, for instance people nowadays can easily research on their own using different types of online materials and find whatever they are looking for. If they want to do something for example fix their broken television, instead of hiring a technician they can easily go to certain websites, such as google, research online and do it themselves. Not to mention that people nowadays have cars that drive themselves, different types of artificial intelligence to help them with anything, and loads of other things such as certain apps, for example Skype, Facebook which helps you communicate with your loved ones and the people you care about while doing your job from miles away. Humans can work and keep an eye on their kids without hiring someone, by using specific devices such as, baby monitors. In conclusion, both of the above mentioned are completely reasonable and it is valid why people would assume different things, but that is the Beauty of this modern world, you have your own voice and you are able to speak your mind. In my opinion, I believe this advanced world has given us several opportunities, to live freely, to have free will. I believe this world has made us more independent than ever.
A part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, in this new and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting dependent on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
whereas the rest of the population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
otherwise
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more independent on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
for various of reasons,
for instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more than ever hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for almost everything and anything, driving, babysitting, cleaning, doing their makeup, etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to hire these workers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job done since you are able to find almost everything on the internet, thanks to the modern technology. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are dependent on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
unlike the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
always have an easy way out, by technology or by relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. In this advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new professions like researchers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazier than ever. While they can research on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
using various online tools they would
rather
have Someone else do it for them.

Although all that may be true, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
mankind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
otherwise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of valid reasons,
for instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays can
easily
research on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of online materials and find whatever they are looking for. If they want to do something
for example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their broken television,
instead
of hiring a technician they can
easily
go to certain websites, such as google, research online and do it themselves. Not to mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have cars that drive themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of artificial intelligence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with anything, and loads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things such as certain apps,
for example
Skype, Facebook which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you communicate with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
you care about while doing your job from miles away.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
can work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their kids without hiring someone, by using specific devices such as, baby monitors.

In conclusion
, both of the above mentioned are completely reasonable and it is valid why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would assume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
the Beauty of this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, you have your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
voice and you are able to speak your mind. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
this advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us several opportunities, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
freely
, to have free will. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has made us more independent than ever.
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IELTS essay Some people think that in this modern world people are getting dependent on each other while others think the modern world makes people more independent of each other

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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