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Some people think that in this modern world, getting elder is entirely bad .however, other think that

Some people think that in this modern world, getting elder is entirely bad. however, other think that PWqAp
Elders plays an essential role in the society in order to give the good lessons to the young generations.   Some people think that nowadays becoming a old people is not good, while others says, today,   they have more facilities as compared to the past. I believe that, be a old in today era is beneficial. On the one hand,   there are many people are facing the problem of unemployment and they do not have source of income so if they have elder person in the home hence sometime they can not afford the expense of medical as well as they spend their whole day at the work and do not have time to spend with their grandparents consequently they may feel lonely and at time nobody nearby them for supervision. On the other hand, there are different type of places, where they can spend their spare time therefore some citizens go to the park for doing light exercises to keep themselves fit as a fiddle and they have entertainment facilities. In addition,   all people know how to use the mobile phones hence they have options to connect with every part of world as well as there are several social groups,   where they may share their ideas. For example, a recent study showed that elderly population of nowadays much better as they have several leisure activities to do. In conclusion, becoming a grandparents is more easily in modern world because they have medical facilities to cure on time and other ammuties to enjoy their rest of the life.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "elder plays".
Elders plays
an essential role in the society in order to give the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lessons to the young generations.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that nowadays becoming
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, while others says,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
they have more facilities as compared to the past. I believe that, be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
era is beneficial.

On the one hand,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing the problem of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unemployment and
they do not have source of income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they have elder person in the home
hence
sometime they can not afford the expense of medical
as well
as they spend their whole day at the work and do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their grandparents
consequently
they may feel lonely and at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
nobody nearby them for supervision.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of places, where they can spend their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens go to the park for doing light exercises to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit as a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fiddle and
they have entertainment facilities.
In addition
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the mobile phones
hence
they have options to connect with every part of world
as well
as there are several social groups,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
where they may share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
For example
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that elderly population of nowadays much better as they have several leisure activities to do.

In conclusion
, becoming
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a grandparent" or simply "grandparents"?
a grandparents
is more
easily
in modern world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have medical facilities to cure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and other
Possible spelling mistake found.
ammuties
to enjoy their rest of the life.
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IELTS essay Some people think that in this modern world, getting elder is entirely bad. however, other think that

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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