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Some people think that in the modern world people are getting dependent on each other, while other think that this world makes them more independent of each others. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people think that in the modern world people are getting dependent on each other, while other think that this world makes them more independent of each others. Discuss both views and give your own opinion kmQ8
living style is changed day by day with the introduction of technology. Few masses belive, individuals can perform all tasks by their own, while other opine by saying, everyone require help in each work. I will discuss both the aspects, along with my perspective in the upcoming segments. To begin with, an army of people assert that, nowadays persons are more dependent, as compare to past, due to many reasons. The dominated one is anytime, anywhere working facilities, with these young children are trying to support their education and living cost, by doing the part-time job after school or college, moreover at a certain age they prefer to stay in own house, instead of staying with parents, number of nuclear families are the prove for this. Futhermore, everyone can make decision through web search, without discussion with someone, as wide range of information is present on internet about all matters. Last but not the least, gender equality also introduced in every field, on the other side, in the previous time women were totally dependent on males even for the daily requirements, because they could not do jobs, but know females employed are present in every stream along with men. As a result, ladies can earn for their own. On the contrary other argue against by giving number of points, most interesting one is, employed women are required the help form in-laws or house helper for child care and house hold chores, as it is very difficult to handle the both at same time. Addition to this, young generation compelely relay on social world for small decision. For example, there are number of apps like instagram, Whatup, where youngstar put the post of everything before using, if other dislike it, the thing is waste noone is going to use it. To conclude, In modern era, people are not dependent on each other but becoming the slaves of their own invention, as influence of technical gadgets can be seen in every pert of life, it increasing the differences between relations.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
living
style is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
day by day with the introduction of technology. Few masses
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
, individuals can perform all tasks by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
opine by saying, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "requires", "required".
require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in each work. I will discuss both the aspects, along with my perspective in the upcoming segments.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, an army of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that, nowadays persons are more dependent, as compare to past, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. The dominated one is anytime, anywhere working facilities, with these young children are trying to support their education and living cost, by doing the part-time job after school or college,
moreover
at a certain age they prefer to stay in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
instead
of staying with parents, number of nuclear families are the
The word 'prove' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "proof"?
prove
for this.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decision through web search, without discussion with someone, as wide range of information is present on internet about all matters. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, gender equality
also
introduced in every field, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, in the previous time women were
totally
dependent on males even for the daily requirements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could not do jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
know females employed are present in every stream along with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
As a result
, ladies can earn for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

On the contrary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
argue against by giving number of points, most interesting one is, employed women
are required
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
form in-laws or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
helper for child care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hold chores, as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to handle the both at same time. Addition to this, young generation
Possible spelling mistake found.
compelely
relay on social world for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
decision.
For example
, there are number of apps like
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatup
, where
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngstar
put the post of everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
using, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
dislike it, the thing is waste
Possible spelling mistake found.
noone
is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.

To conclude
, In modern era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not dependent on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
becoming the slaves of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
invention, as influence of technical gadgets can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in every pert of life,
Did you mean "it's increasing", "it is increasing", or "it was increasing"?
it increasing
the differences between relations.
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IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world people are getting dependent on each other, while other think that this world makes them more independent of each others. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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