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Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make it citizens happier

Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make it citizens happier x2Pwo
When asked whether helping others is the most important thing to do when we become rich, people are always at odds with each other. Personally, I believe it is not reasonable to link being rich directly with being philanthropic. Undoubtedly, the rich are absolutely able to afford the large expense of helping others with ease. After all, they have a great deal of money. Compared with these people, most ordinary citizens only have enough money to support their own families, so it is unimaginable for them to bear another burden of giving financial support to others. Therefore, many of them shift the burden to the rich because they believe rich people should be good people to help those who are in need of it. However, it is extremely wrong to force wealthy people with moral reasons to help others, because freedom, including freedom to command wealth, is an unalienable right for anyone, regardless of the rich or the poor. That is to say, whether to give others a hand or not should be totally rich people`s own choice to make. A rich man who gives his own money to help others deserves our respect, but another one who does not follow suit are not supposed to be harshly criticized just because he or she does not choose to do so. In conclusion, it is important that there are rich people who are willing to help others, but it is more important that we live in a society where everyone can freely choose how to spend their own money.
When asked whether helping others is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to do when we become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always at odds with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Personally
, I believe it is not reasonable to link being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
directly
with being philanthropic.

Undoubtedly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
are
absolutely
able to afford the large expense of helping others with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
After all
, they have a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Compared with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, most ordinary citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to support their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is unimaginable for them to bear another burden of giving financial support to others.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them shift the burden to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in need of it.

However
, it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to force wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with moral reasons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
freedom, including freedom to command wealth, is an unalienable right for anyone, regardless of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
or the poor.
That is
to say, whether to give others a hand or not should be
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
gives his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others deserves our respect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
another one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does not follow suit are not supposed to be
harshly
criticized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he or she does not choose to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society where everyone can
freely
choose how to spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that if a country is already rich any addition in economic wealth does not make it citizens happier

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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