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“Some people think that high school students should do part-time jobs. Do you think this is a positive or negative trend?”

“Some people think that high school students should do part-time jobs. Do you think this is a positive or negative trend? ” 5LAND
Many people assume that students in high school should do part-time jobs. From my perspective, I partly advocate this opinion for several following reasons. On the one hand, I support the idea that high school students ought to have side jobs because of potential benefits. Firstly, students can earn money and be financially independent from their parents. Although the money gained from part-time work is not probably much, it can assist students to pay basic needs such as stationery, clothes, ect even tuition fees. Another positive advantage is improving personal skills. Thanks to side jobs, students accumulate practical experiences, have chances to boost soft skills which are essential for their future such as time management skills, communication skills, problem-solving skills, ect. Additionally, temporary jobs also allow students to broaden relationships, have new friends who have peer viewpoints, share lessons, and give advice. On the other hand, part-time jobs also have several inevitable drawbacks. Students taking much time for working become distracted from studying in school. This leads to decline in academic results which play a major important role in their high school graduation exam. Similarly, being highly concentrated on work has negative impacts on their health. Allocating time for both heavy studying and working is overloaded for a high school student. As a result, there is not much time for them to enjoy their teenage period, participate in extracurricular activities, ect. Moreover, the health situation of students who suffer from overworking for a long time becomes worse, they easily get health problems such as exhaustion, illness, heavy pressure, ect. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, while I strongly support the idea that high school students should do part-time jobs, I hold a firm belief that part-time jobs bring certain disadvantageous aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that
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students
in
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high
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school
should do part-time
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jobs
. From
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
my


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perspective
, I partly advocate this opinion for several following reasons.

On the one hand, I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to have side
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jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of potential benefits.
Firstly
,
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students
can earn money and be
financially
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
their parents. Although the money gained from part-time work is not
probably
much, it can assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to pay basic needs such as stationery, clothes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ect
even tuition fees. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
advantage is improving personal
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skills
. Thanks to side
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jobs
,
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students
accumulate practical experiences, have chances to boost soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which are essential for their future such as
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time
management
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skills
, communication
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skills
, problem-solving
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skills
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ect
.
Additionally
, temporary
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jobs
also
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allow
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students
to broaden relationships, have new friends who have peer viewpoints, share lessons, and give advice.

On the other hand
, part-time
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jobs
also
have several inevitable drawbacks.
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Students
taking much
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time
for working become distracted from studying in
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school
. This leads to decline in academic results which play a major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in their
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high
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school
graduation exam.
Similarly
, being
highly
concentrated on work has
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negative
impacts on their health. Allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for both heavy studying and working
is overloaded
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
As a result
, there is not much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to enjoy their teenage period, participate in extracurricular activities,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ect
.
Moreover
, the health situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who suffer from overworking for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
becomes worse, they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
health problems such as exhaustion, illness, heavy pressure,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ect
.

In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned above, while I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, I hold a firm belief that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
bring certain disadvantageous aspects.
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IELTS essay “Some people think that high school students should do part-time jobs. Do you think this is a positive or negative trend? ”

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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