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Some people think that governments should spend more money on sports facilities for top athletes. Others argue that money should be spent for sports facilities for ordinary people. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think that governments should spend more money on sports facilities for top athletes. Others argue that money should be spent for sports facilities for ordinary people. BVMw
Sports are the programs which are played by the players or some specific individuals. Therefore it is thought by a stratum of people that money should be spent on sports facilities for top athletic persons whereas others believe that it should be spent for ordinary people. I will describe both the views with solid grounds below in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, the one of the major reasons to spent more money on top athletes is that they play on international levels such as Olympics, common wealth and many others due to which a sum of money is required to offer them various facilities. Moreover, athletes invest lots of money on themselves to be prepared for sports and hence this money should be come from legal bodies. Aprt from it, those players who play games in various nations, require expenses for travelling and staying there, so it should be provided by the governments only. On the other hand, some people conceive that legal authorities should be responsible to offer facilities to the ordinary players. Since they may become the good player of their nation. Furthermore, almost every sport requires specific equipment to play however, some individuals are unable to afford it and hence government should manage these things to them. For example, the Indian government gives grants of billions to their sports department for providing materials of sports to the people. In addition to it, intra state competitions should be organized by the local governments. To conclude, as a healthy nation is a wealthy nation, therefore government should enhance sports by providing facilities to the both athletes as well as general players.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are the programs which
are played
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific individuals.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by a stratum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities for top athletic persons whereas others believe that it should
be spent
for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
both the views with solid grounds below in the subsequent paragraphs.

On the one hand, the one of the major reasons to spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on top athletes is that they play on international levels such as Olympics, common wealth and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others due to which a sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is required
to offer them various facilities.
Moreover
, athletes invest lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on themselves to
be prepared
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
hence
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from legal bodies.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aprt
from it, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who play games in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, require expenses for travelling and staying there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should
be provided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conceive that legal authorities should be responsible to offer facilities to the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
they may become the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Furthermore
, almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
requires specific equipment to play
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are unable to afford it and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should manage these things to them.
For example
, the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
gives grants of billions to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
department for providing materials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
to it,
Possible spelling mistake found.
intra
state competitions should
be organized
by the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

To conclude
, as a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by providing facilities to the both athletes
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that governments should spend more money on sports facilities for top athletes. Others argue that money should be spent for sports facilities for ordinary people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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