Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that governments should spend money on exploring the outer space. Others think that money could be better spent on solving problems on earth v.1

Some people think that governments should spend money on exploring the outer space. Others think that money could be better spent on solving problems on earth v. 1
It is true that all criminals must be punished. While, some people believe that each criminal should be punished fixedly in their case that they commit, I agree with those who think that at the moment of reaching a verdict, the circumstances of infraction should be taken into consideration. Some people might think that fixed punishment can act as a deterrent to decrease the rate case. That is to say, advocates of such an idea think that, If a person who plans to commit a crime knows what kind of retribution expects him for his deed, he can change his mind. Take a shoplifter for example, who will be afraid of even stealing a small item the price of which is insignificant, thinking about the fact that he will serve sentence of the same period as a bank robber, which could be many years. Moreover, the single type sanction can accelerate the process of jurisdiction in criminal cases. In other words, if the main details are known to the judge, he can reach a verdict immediately, not requiring any additional details of the case. However, while punishing a criminal the circumstances in which the infraction was committed has to be taken into account for some reasons. Firstly, the motive of case can be different and thus it would not be fair, for example, to sentence two different murderers the same period in prison when one of them accidentally killed someone as a self-defence, while the other one is a hardened criminal. Secondly, criminal record of a person who did scandal must be also taken into account and especially for hardened criminals the punishment should be more severe. Finally, depending on the level of the repercussion of the infraction in terms of damage to society, not all same type crimes can be punished equally. During a bank robbery investigation, for instance, it must be clearly identified how much money was stolen, what was the extent of the damage to the bank and its customers and so on. To summarise, although fixed punishment can deter many crimes, details such as reason of case, crime history of an offender and rate of impact of the infraction on society are essential to be considered to reach a fair verdict.
It is true that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be punished
. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
should
be punished
fixedly
in their case that they commit, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that at the moment of reaching a verdict, the circumstances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infraction
should
be taken
into consideration.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
punishment can act as a deterrent to decrease the rate case.
That is
to say, advocates of such an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, If a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
plans to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
knows what kind of retribution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
him for his deed, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his mind. Take a shoplifter
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will be afraid of even stealing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
item the price of which is insignificant, thinking about the fact that he will serve sentence of the same period as a bank robber, which could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
Moreover
, the single type sanction can accelerate the process of jurisdiction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases.
In other words
, if the main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are known
to the judge, he can reach a verdict immediately, not requiring any additional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the case.

However
, while punishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
the circumstances in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infraction
was committed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
into account for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, the motive of case can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and
thus
it would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
,
for example
, to sentence two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
murderers the same period in prison when one of them
accidentally
killed someone as a
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
, while the other one is a hardened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
record of a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did scandal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
also
taken into account and
especially
for hardened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
the punishment should be more severe.
Finally
, depending on the level of the repercussion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infraction
in terms of damage to society, not all same type
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can
be punished
equally
. During a bank robbery investigation,
for instance
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
clearly
identified how much money
was stolen
, what was the extent of the damage to the bank and its customers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
punishment can deter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
such as reason of case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
history of an offender and rate of impact of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infraction
on society are essential to
be considered
to reach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
verdict.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should spend money on exploring the outer space. Others think that money could be better spent on solving problems on earth v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts