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Some people think that going to the gym is one of the most important factors in achieving good health. Do you think that people can be healthy without going to the gym? What other factors contribute towards good health?

Some people think that going to the gym is one of the most important factors in achieving good health. Do you think that people can be healthy without going to the gym? What other factors contribute towards good health? MwX1L
It is undoubtedly true that health is crucial for humans, and one of the most common ways to stay healthy is working out at the gym, some people assert. While going to the gym is an excellent way of maintaining health, we should not underestimate the importance of other factors as I think that it is possible to remain healthy without taking up gym exercise. Attending the gym certainly fosters a healthy lifestyle. When individuals go to the gym, they usually have a chance to work out using exercise machines, run on a treadmill, lift weights and do a host of other forms of exercise. All these activities allow people burn excess calories and keep a good level of fitness, thus boosting their immune system. Were it not for gyms, they would probably be prone to illnesses, since untrained people are normally vulnerable to sickness. It is therefore sensible to argue that going to gyms is one of the best methods to improve well-being. In my view, one can maintain their health even if they are not exercising in a gym because there are other contributors to health other than that. One of them is doing household chores. Research has shown ironing can be as beneficial as intensive workout at the gym. This makes sense because people are at least staying active, so any level of home activity, ranging from doing cooking to vacuuming, is of help to health since it stimulates muscles and blood circulation. Dietitians also suggest that people eat at least five portions of fruit and vegetables a day and control their sleeping patterns in order to stay healthy. Lack of sleep, or its deprivation, and eating for example fast food excessively, tend to make person feel physically and mentally tired, and keeps from vital ingredients. Lack of both these factors tend to bring about depression and stress, which might be a cause of health issues. So, people should take their sleep and diet seriously as well. In conclusion, it is feasible to stay healthy even if one does not attend gyms. It is important, though, to be active at home, and follow healthy eating and sleeping habits.
It is
undoubtedly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is crucial for humans, and one of the most common ways to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is working out at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert. While going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is an excellent way of maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, we should not underestimate the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is possible to remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
without taking up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
exercise.

Attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
certainly
fosters a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle. When individuals go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
, they
usually
have a chance to work out using exercise machines, run on a treadmill, lift weights and do a host of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of exercise. All these activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
burn excess calories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
level of fitness,
thus
boosting their immune system. Were it not for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
, they would
probably
be prone to illnesses, since untrained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
normally
vulnerable to sickness. It is
therefore
sensible to argue that going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
is one of the best methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
well-being.

In my view, one can maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
even if they are not exercising in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
contributors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than that. One of them is doing household chores. Research has shown ironing can be as beneficial as intensive workout at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are at least staying active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
any level of home activity, ranging from
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going cooking".
doing cooking
to vacuuming, is of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
since it stimulates muscles and blood circulation. Dietitians
also
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat at least five portions of fruit and vegetables a day and control their sleeping patterns in order to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. Lack of sleep, or its deprivation, and eating
for example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
excessively
, tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
person feel
physically
and mentally tired, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
from vital ingredients. Lack of both these factors tend to bring about depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which might be a cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take their sleep and diet
seriously
as well
.

In conclusion
, it is feasible to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
even if one does not attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, though, to be active at home, and follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating and sleeping habits.
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IELTS essay Some people think that going to the gym is one of the most important factors in achieving good health. Do you think that people can be healthy without going to the gym? What other factors contribute towards good health?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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