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Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

It is irrefutable that surroundings contribute a significant role in juvenile's growth. A section of society holds their point of view that in the development of children, living standard of their families as well as their personalities are at high priority, while other counterpart assert that the weightage of other outer factors such as friend circle etcetera has a special role in their life. After going delve deeper, I am strongly in favor of former perspective. To embark on, individuals who believe that family lifestyle is major concern in their adolescent's holistic development come forward by saying said at the early age, children just spend their time with their family members, and they observe all activities done by their parents as well as other members of family. As a consequent, they start to follow those things which they are continuously deal with, no matters those come under good or bad. Hence, they become habitual. For example, if in the family, there are no sense of belonging with each family member, they just create dispute even from tiny matters, that will put bad impact on children's development because they will be afraid to keep their thoughts and feeling to others which leads lack of confidence. On the flip side, some people think that rather than family influence, there are other factor, friend groups, effect their personality in great excess because children adapt their friend’s track by repeating same thing that they do. They think that everyone in friendship should be save kind which not only help them to keep their bonding for long last, but also can get assist from them in their thick and thin. In order to prove themselves that they are able to become member of their company, they alter themselves. To conclude, although there are some external factors that affect on children’s development, but these can be negligible by keeping eye on children’s activities and interests by their parents. Moreover, parents should take feedback from their schools and always motivates them with positive thoughts.
It is irrefutable that surroundings contribute a significant role in juvenile's growth. A section of society holds their point of view that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, living standard of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as well
as their personalities are at high priority, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
counterpart assert that the weightage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
outer factors such as friend circle etcetera has a special role in their life. After going delve deeper, I am
strongly
in favor of former perspective.

To embark on, individuals who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
lifestyle is major concern in their adolescent's holistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward by saying said at the early age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
spend their time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, and they observe all activities done by their parents
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. As a consequent, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to follow those things which they are
continuously
deal with, no matters those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Hence
, they become habitual.
For example
, if in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, there are no sense of belonging with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
create dispute even from tiny matters, that will put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be afraid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their thoughts and feeling to others which leads lack of confidence.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
influence, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “factors”?
factor
, friend groups, effect their personality in great excess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
adapt their friend’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
by repeating same thing that they do. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everyone in friendship should be
The word “save” is a verb. Did you mean the adjective “safe”?
save
kind which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their bonding for long last,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
assist from them in their thick and thin. In order to prove themselves that they are able to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they alter themselves.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
external factors that affect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these can be negligible by keeping eye on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
activities and interests by their parents.
Moreover
, parents should take feedback from their schools and always motivates them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thoughts.
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IELTS essay Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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