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Some People think that family has an influence on child s development while others think that there are many factors that influence child such as television music and friends Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some People think that family has an influence on child s development while others think that there are many factors that influence child such as television music and friends 2
Nowadays, It is important to consider that who affect more on child' s development. It is thought by some people that family has an influence on child' s skill, whereas others argue that other factors such as entertainment media and friends influence more since children spend most of the time with this factors than family. I agree with the latter view. In the 21st century, it is difficult for parents to survive in cut-throat competition. As a result, parents have to work, and consequently, there is an improper nourishment for developing their offspring' s intellectual and cognitive skills. To illustrate this, A recent study by the leading newspaper The Times shows that seven out of ten students are not able to perform basic skills which they do not learn from their parents due to a busy timetable. Therefore, in this era, parents have the least time for their child which leads to lesser child development. On the other hand, because lack of parent' s guide adolescent has to emerge themselves with the television or music or with their friends. It is often time seen that many children learn basic skills from those factors which they have to obtain from their parents. For instance, a discovery channel programme shows that how to count with the help of fruits, vegetables and animals. By watching this, children can develop their conceptual skill which is a basic of any other skills. From the above example, it can be said that children spend more time with those factors than a family which leads to more influence on them. In conclusion, due to competitive era parents have not enough time to spend with their children because of the above reason. I personally believe that friends and entertainment media have a greater influence on a child' s development because they spend more time with those factors.
Nowadays, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that who
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
more on
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s development. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that family has an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, whereas others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as entertainment media and friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
more since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
than family. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

In the 21st century, it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to survive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competition.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work, and
consequently
, there is an improper nourishment for developing their
Possible spelling mistake found.
offspring&
#039; s intellectual and cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. To illustrate this, A recent study by the leading newspaper The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that seven out of ten students are not able to perform basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which they do not learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to a busy timetable.
Therefore
, in this era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
which leads to lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
development.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lack of
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s guide adolescent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
emerge themselves with the television or music or with their friends. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
obtain from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, a discovery channel
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that how to count with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of fruits, vegetables and animals. By watching this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop their conceptual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which is a basic of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. From the above example, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
than a family which leads to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on them.

In conclusion
, due to competitive era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the above reason. I
personally
believe that friends and entertainment media have a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on a
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some People think that family has an influence on child s development while others think that there are many factors that influence child such as television music and friends 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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