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Some people think that education is crucial to people's success. Others believe that practical experience from life is more valuable

Some people think that education is crucial to people's success. Others believe that practical experience from life is more valuable peBj9
Success has always been perceived as one of the most important goals in human life. Therefore, some people hold the view that education is essential for people's success while others think living experience is more precious. This essay will examine these view in depth. To begin with, the first view is rather justified on the following grounds. There is no doubt that formal education is a solid background for people to develop. First of all, there is a sense among experts and people that student will have more advantages when they are taught by good teachers with quality educational program. And their study program is designed by well-qualified experts who got highly trained and have a considerable experience in the field of education. People will have a lot of time to hone a skills and accumulate their knowledge on a regular basis. Secondly, people can also learn soft skills which help them a lot in their future. For instance, communication skills not only help people learn how to treat and behave friends at school, but also handle demanding customers and help a lot in their workplace like dealing with colleagues and boss. As a result, their work is more effective and they may gain more faith from their customers. In addition, they can learn how to build a strong relationship with others like their friends or teachers. By doing this, they can be apply practical easily and have opportunities to promote their relationship which help them a lot to higher position in the company. Moreover, when people studying in schools, they will have time and chance to find their passion. Last but not least, after graduation, they will have a qualification which prove their ability, knowledge, skills for their future jobs. However, the only factor that leads to success is not enough. People need to equip themselves with practical experience. There is no doubt that living experience will help them to more mature with their cognitive as well as their skills. Without proper training but their skills can be better than anyone who learn from school. Because they have more chance to face with various types of people and social problems. They learn by realizing their many setbacks or the experiences of other people… Their life are also challenging when they need to be independent and earn money from an early age to support themselves and their family. They have to struggle a lot with their life and it is not smooth as those who have a full life. Take Steve Jobs as an example, he was orphan and dropped out university because he cannot afford. However, he still created Apple which made people from around the world are admire and love. Based on that, Steve Jobs become on of the richest person in the world. In conclusion, both ideas sound convincing but it also depends on individual’s opinion. People, especially children, should be encouraged to go school to be got education before going out in the world.
Success has always
been perceived
as one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goals in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's success while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is more precious. This essay will examine these view in depth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
view is
rather
justified on the following grounds. There is no doubt that formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a solid background for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is a sense among experts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that student will have more advantages when they
are taught
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teachers with quality educational program. And their study program
is designed
by well-qualified experts who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
highly
trained and have a considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of time to hone a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and accumulate their knowledge on a regular basis.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in their future.
For instance
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to treat and behave friends at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
handle demanding customers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in their workplace like dealing with colleagues and boss.
As a result
, their work is more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
effective and
they may gain more faith from their customers.
In addition
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to build a strong relationship with others like their friends or teachers. By doing this, they can be
Consider using the past participle "applied"?
apply
practical
easily
and have opportunities to promote their relationship which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to higher position in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, they will have time and chance to find their passion. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, after graduation, they will have a qualification which prove their ability, knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for their future jobs.

However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor that leads to success is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to equip themselves with practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. There is no doubt that living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to more mature with their cognitive
as well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Without proper training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can be better than anyone who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have more chance to face with various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and social problems. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
by realizing their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
setbacks or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people…
Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
also
challenging when they need to be independent and earn money from an early age to support themselves and their family. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it is not smooth as those who have a full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Take Steve Jobs as an example, he was orphan and dropped out university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he cannot afford.
However
, he
still
created Apple which made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from around the world are
Consider using a past participle here: "admired".
admire
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. Based on that, Steve Jobs become
Did you mean "one"?
on
of the richest person in the world.

In conclusion
, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
sound convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
depends on individual’s opinion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
especially
children, should
be encouraged
to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going out in the world.
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IELTS essay Some people think that education is crucial to people's success. Others believe that practical experience from life is more valuable

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
498 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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